(about the very strict neighborhood) Oh, yeah. Nothing weird going on around here. (following Scully into the house) Hey... ooh, wait a minute. You didn't let me carry you over the threshold.
“Arcadia” · Season 6, Episode 15
In this episode: Fox Mulder (11), Dana Scully (8)
PVPat Verlander
(very friendly) You must be the Petries. Hi. Welcome. Welcome to The Falls.
(shaking her hand) I'm Rob (puts hands on Scully's shoulders) and this is my lovely wife, Laura.
PVPat Verlander
Rob and Laura Petrie.
We pronounce it "Pee-trie," actually.
PVPat Verlander
Oh.
(cheerfully) Like the dish!
(videotaping the house) The local police departments were at a dead end so they turned to the FBI. AD Skinner, in assigning us this case thought a fruitful approach to the investigation would be if we went undercover posing as prospective home buyers as this planned community would seem to hide a dark, possibly murderous conspiracy of silence.
(gets up close to the camera; seductively) You want to make that honeymoon video now?
Rob and Laura Petrie?
"Pee-trie."
Mulder, if we ever go undercover again I get to choose the names, okay?
Fine.
It just tells me that you're not taking this seriously.
I'm taking it seriously. I just don't understand why we're on it. It's our first catch back on the X-Files. This isn't an X-File.
Sure it is. It's unexplained. What do you want, aliens? Tractor beams?
Wow. Admit it: you just want to play house. (demanding, jokingly) Woman, get back in here and make me a sandwich! (She stops, smiles slightly; throws her latex gloves at at his head; heads toward the door) Did I not make myself clear?
Mulder...
The name... is Rob.
Morning.
WSWin Shroeder
Oh! Oh, Rob, Laura. ("accidentally?" sprays their legs with the hose) I'm so sorry. So, good morning. So how was your first night? Peaceful?
(looking fondly at Scully) Oh, it was wonderful. We just spooned up and fell asleep like little baby cats. Isn't that right, Honeybunch?
(forced smile) That's right, Poopyhead.
GGGene Gogolak
All right, then, let's see. Basketball hoop and backboard. Portable. Nope, I'm sorry. It's not allowed.
You're kidding?
GGGene Gogolak
I'm afraid not. Rules are rules. It may not sound like anything-- a simple basketball hoop-- but from there, it's just a few short steps to spinning daisy reflectors and a bass boat in the driveway.
In other words, anarchy.
WSWin Shroeder
Sweetheart? Did you use the dolphin-safe tuna this time?
CSCami Shroeder
Dolphin-safe all the way, Honey.
WSWin Shroeder
We always use the dolphin-safe.
(eating) You've got to love those dolphins ... although they're pretty tasty, too.
[Win and Cami look shocked and horrified; Scully laughs awkwardly to try to break the tension.]
WSWin Shroeder
So... where'd you two meet?
[Scully opens her mouth to speak but is interrupted by Mulder.]
Actually, it was at a UFO conference.
WSWin Shroeder
Flying saucers? Interesting. Wouldn't have thought you folks would have been into that.
(puts arm around Scully) Well, it's not me so much as Laura. She's quite the New-Ager. I mean, she's into those magnetic bracelets and crystals and mood rings, what have you. I mean, God bless her she's a sucker for all that stuff.
CSCami Shroeder
Well, I wouldn't have guessed that, would you?
WSWin Shroeder
Mm-mm.
(fake smile) No kidding.
Yeah, there's no sign of him in his house. I didn't see him in the storm drain, either. I take it he's dead, Scully.
(correcting him, from the bathroom) Laura.
[Mulder sarcastically mouths "Okay.")
(from the bathroom) Mulder, speaking of cleaning up, whoever taught you how to squeeze a tube of toothpaste? (Her arm, coming from the bathroom doorway, shows him the tube squeezed in the middle; he ignores it)
Hey, what do we know about this stuff?
I'm driving down to San Diego tomorrow and have it analyzed.
All right.
Third warning: (sound of toilet seat falling) Toilet seat. (toilet flushes)
(sprawls out on the bed) Why kill Big Mike? (Scully comes out of the bathroom wearing a bright green mud mask; Mulder looks up and is startled) Whoa!
What's missing here is intent. What would be the motive? (throws sweatshirt at his head)
Compulsive neatness, or a lack thereof. Have you noticed how everybody around here is obsessed with the neighborhood rules and the CC&Rs? You know what? You fit in really well here.
(pointedly looking at him lying on the bed) And you don't.
(adjusting the pillows) Well, anyway, tomorrow I got a, uh, a surefire way of testing out my theory. (pats the bed beside him seductively; waggles his eyebrows at her; she raises her eyebrows; he tries coaxing) Come on, Laura, you know... we're married now.
(correcting) Scully, Mulder. Good night.
(gets up and takes a pillow; pauses next to her; looks very serious) The thrill is gone. (Scully sighs)
[Mulder has just put a pink plastic flamingo in the front yard; looks around confidently and pumps his fists]
Bring it on.
Look, Mulder, huge creatures aside do you care to hear what I think?
(not quite sarcastic) Always.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The X-Files pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.