“War Crimes” · Season 3
In this episode: Josiah Bartlet (5), Hoynes (3), Abbey Bartlet (2), C.J. Cregg (1), Leo McGarry (1), Sam Seaborn (1), Will Bailey (1)
Words when spoken out loud for the sake of performance are music. They have rhythm and pitch and timbre and volume. These are the properties of music and music has the ability to find us and move us and lift us up in ways that literal meaning can't.
You are an oratorical snob.
Yes, and God loves me for it.
You said he was sending you to hell.
For other stuff, not for this.
Sultan Bin Abu Azir ain't what he used to be. Last time I was in Kuwait he gave me a gold-inlaid Gadara sword originating from the Bin Hamar tribe.
What'd you get this time?
Nothing.
Wanna go down to the Situation Room, blow 'em off the face of the earth?
Somebody said you were hanging out with some tribe, and they made you a king.
I'm a god.
Oh.
I'm the only white man to ever witness the sacrificial rites of the Bau tribe of Fiji. I was almost a victim myself, until they made me The Supporter of the World.
How'd you swing that?
Using my Palm Pilot, I convinced the Bau I had the power to make the gods' writing appear at will, and more significantly, predict the next day's weather.
So you're a god?
I'm the god of Good Harvest and the Land of the Dead.
I gotta go there and bring my laptop. It quacks when I have e-mail.
No, you're too tall.
What would happen?
They would paint your face and...other body parts black so as to resemble a warrior ornamented for feast or combat. Then you would be garroted by a length of boar tripe.
This country is populated with unbalanced people, many of whom find their way to Washington, as if the continent funnels them into this one spot.
[on the Vice President's refusal to endorse gun control in his home state] You're a hero in Texas!
I was a hero in Texas.
Texans don't like that you have the courage of your convictions?
They're not my convictions, they're yours.
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
Words when spoken out loud for the sake of performance are music. They have rhythm and pitch and timbre and volume. These are the properties of music and music has the ability to find us and move us and lift us up in ways that literal meaning can't.
You are an oratorical snob.
Yes, and God loves me for it.
You said he was sending you to hell.
For other stuff, not for this. You can't just trod out Ephesians, which he blew, by the way, it has nothing with husbands and wives, it's all of us. Saint Paul begins the passage: "Be subject to one another out of reverence to Christ." [passionately] "Be subject to one another." In this day and age of 24-hour cable crap, devoted to feeding the voyeuristic gluttony of the American public, hooked on a bad soap opera that's passing itself off as important, don't you think you might be able to find some relevance in verse 21? How do you end the cycle? Be subject to one another!
So... This is about you.
No, it's not about me! Well, yes, it is about me, but tomorrow it'll be about somebody else. We'll watch Larry King and see who. [shouts] All hacks, off the stage! Right now! That's a national security order.
Twenty-nine states have "shall issue" laws.
And if you look at the state of New Jersey, which has a "may issue" law-if you look at changing that one word...
Look, I'm not saying...
Changing that one word means law enforcement can decide who gets a concealed weapon and when and where they can carry it. Texas has a "may issue" law in front of a legislature right now, and you going down there...
Me going down there is suicide, sir, and you know it.
It's counter-scheduling. You go in front of an unfriendly audience. You tell them something they don't want to hear-it shows you have courage.
So the editor of the New York Times will think I have courage, while the people who decide elections...
You're a hero in Texas!
I was a hero in Texas.
Texans don't like that you have the courage of your convictions?
They're not my convictions, they're yours.
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
Forty percent of Americans have a gun in their home.
Only 16% believe gun ownership is an absolute right. Only 9% believe it's an absolute wrong. There's a middle. We can win them!
[testily] Not when we're running the MS defense, Mr. President!
Which we wouldn't have been doing if...
If what, sir?
Nothing.
[Hoynes stands]
You outed me, John. With that trip to Nashua, with the oil companies. You wanted people to start asking questions.
I needed to start running because nobody told me I wasn't! And you announced it! And I found out on television!
[yelling] So did my wife.
[yelling] This whole thing was mismanaged, sir!
Look...
[yelling] It was blown!
Yes, it was.
Yes, it was!
[They glare at each other for several long moments.]
It's not easy being my Vice President, is it?
[sighs] No, sir.
I wouldn't think so. But it's the only way you're gonna get the nomination. You know that, right? If I win.
Yeah. And the only way you're gonna win is if I'm on the ticket. You know that, don't you, sir?
Yeah.
[Hoynes starts to leave.]
You'll go to Texas?
[nods] I want a seat at the table.
Yeah.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The West Wing pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
