(In this scene, Peter, Phil and Emma arrive at Stewart's office at Number 10. Stewart is preparing a "whiteboard session"...much to Peter's annoyance.)
Ah, Team Peter. Come on, guys, let's take a little imagination stroll through a virtual inquiry, yeah?
(groaning) Oh, dear God, not another whiteboard session. I've-I've got a note from my mother, I have a verruca.
Just wanna get an overview, Peter, yeah? A helicopter shot of where we currently are. Who's most to blame in the blame garden. Okay, the onion is PFI. Let's peel back some layers. Murray resignation, how do we feel about that?
What's "Tickle's M Records"?
Medical, it's his leaked medical records.
Leaked? I-I-I thought they were common knowledge.
Well, they are now, because they have been leaked.
(to Emma) Did you know about this?
Well, yeah, Number 10 knew, so I-I knew, yeah.
(to Phil) What about you?
Yeah, I-I thought Tickle leaked them himself.
Who would voluntarily leak their own medical records? You'd have to be mad to do that.
He was mad, that's precisely what his records said.
Exactly. You know, he was a male nurse. That's not just mad, that's mental.
(taken aback) Oh, Phil! Did the last 30 years only happen to other people?
Why didn't I know about this? Leaking medical records is illegal. Well, I-I -- Now I look guilty and incompetent.
(writing on the whiteboard) Ah! Peter, incompetent.
Look! Don't write that down! I'm not on your sodding onion!
(continuing writing) What is GFU? Good for us. Mmm?
Emma (looking at her phone): Oh, shit with a capital SHIT! We've got to go.
Great! (stands up)
Hey, no no no no no no no, sit.
The Guardian have received an email from Fergus – actually, do you know, strike that, a chain of emails – Oh, perfect, with all of our comments about Mr. Tickle underneath.
Oh God, not-not the one where we all piled in with the Mr. Men jokes?
Yes, yes. That one, Phil.
Oh, you kid me!
Oh, Jesus!
I kid you not!
Oh my giddy fuck.
(They all run back to DoSAC while reading the emails on their phones.)
They've leaked all the bloody emails: 'Mr. Tickle sounds like a gropey clown at a kids' party'.
I can't see! Can I make it bigger?
Go to Settings. 'Poor ickle Mr. Tickle, perhaps he's mentally sickle.' Must be Fergus.
Is this Settings? Oh, I think I've just taken a picture of my feet!
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