Dan and Malcolm in “Series 4, Episode 2”

Dan

So, your loyalty to Nicola is –

Malcolm

Unwavering. Right up to the point that –

Dan

Someone challenges her?

Malcolm

Not necessary: she's going to kick her own head in, which will be easy for her because she does yoga. No, we just need somebody to hold her jacket while she commits political hara-kiri, and sweep in unopposed, being careful not to tread in the mess.

Dan

So you think – I should challenge her?

Malcolm

What the fuck is this, Tinker Tailor Soldier Cunt? Do you, or do you not, want to be the next leader of this party?

Dan

Yes.

Malcolm

Right, well, she needs to fuck off in eight months, so it looks like we're giving her a chance. I will teach you the way of tears and love, my friend; now, let's get out of this fucking cupboard before Ben Swain comes in for his lunchtime wank.