(Malcolm Tucker is having his 8:30 meeting with all the reporters and press officers from various government departments.)
(entering the room) Morning morning morning morning!
Morning.
OK, I want to have a little bit of a think about, um, some of our presentational issues with regard to yesterday. There seems to have been a bit of a problem last night with, uh, Liam on Newsnight. I would like to know why did we have a Minister on last night who did not appear to know their lines.
It's not all his fault, Malcolm. We-we grilled him beforehand.
You grilled him?
He's got a new baby. He's not getting enough sleep.
I don't care if he's got a new baby. I don't care whether he's tired. He looked like he didn't know what he was fucking talking about. Now I know he doesn't know what he's fucking talking about, but he's got to appear as if he does, right? (Malcolm starts pointing at all the reporters.) And that is your job and your job. (He continues pointing.) And yours and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours. With all due respect of ministers, give them the lines. Right?
Give them all the lines to say?
(Malcolm introduces the other reporters to Robyn.)
This is the delightful Robyn. She's just with us today. She's standing in for, eh, Terri Coverley at the Department of, uh, Social Affairs. So let's be gentle with her, please. No remarks about the Department of Stuffed Anuses, or the Department of Stupid Announcements, or the Department of Sod All. (Laughter emanates from the room.) Right, next.
Reshuffle?
(to Robyn, smiling) Yes, there is, uh, a pending reshuffle, I can see we're not gonna get anything past you! "There was a young girl from DOSA, who helped herself to a samosa." (Malcolm jokingly makes a karate chop.) Argh! Next time I'll come up with something. Just a bit of fun. Um...Yes, the reshuffle. No, yes, well, definitely, we-we don't know anything. I don't know anything. So, um, we can't say anything. But you know, even if we did, we wouldn't. But we don't, so we both can't and won't.
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