Inspector Steve Keller quotes from The Streets of San Francisco

Inspector Steve Keller

[after Stone releases Jason] I just hope Olsen doesn't call it a mistake.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

You know what?

Inspector Steve Keller

What?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

If it was my first, I'd worry.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

[Watching the reconciled Dancys leaving together] They deserve each other.

Inspector Steve Keller

Oh, come on, they love each other. It's obvious, like... what was that line he said? "A trout in the milk." Beautiful. Really beautiful.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

You like that line, huh?

Inspector Steve Keller

Yeah.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Well, that ain't Dancy. That's Thoreau.

Inspector Steve Keller

C'mon!

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Henry David Thoreau. That's where Yale Courtland Dancy stole that line. You can't let this job stifle your mind, buddy-boy. You gotta keep yourself free, easy, for cultural pursuits, y'know? That's right. Good reading, good music. Bowling. But you, that's all you think of is women!

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Somebody call for a cop?

Inspector Steve Keller

Well, I called for one about an hour ago, but you know they're never around when you need 'em.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Well, here I am.

Inspector Steve Keller

He didn't give me a chance, Mike.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Happens sometimes. Maybe nobody gave him one either. Like Lenny said, "In the beginning, there was childhood."

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

[On stake out for a serial rapist] Doesn't matter how many times you've done it, it still makes your skin crawl. A loose screw sitting out here somewhere in the dark, or walking around in that market, watching women. And they don't even know he's there. Gotta hand it to gals like Evelyn.

Inspector Steve Keller

To be bait for a rapist? I wouldn't do it.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

You don't have to worry, buddy-boy. Not with legs like yours.

A planchet. That's...

Inspector Steve Keller

A metal disc that's ready to be stamped into a coin, right?

Right.

Inspector Steve Keller

[In response to Stone's stunned facial expression] They use it in crossword puzzles a lot.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

You got time to do crossword puzzles? I don't give you enough to do around here, huh?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

[Identifying the body] That's Llewellyn. Looks like Groat used his Golden Rule before he could.

Inspector Steve Keller

Which one is that?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Do unto others before they do unto you.

Inspector Steve Keller

[On stakeout, discussing hitman Art Styles] He's with a girl. Mary Rae Dortmunder.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Mary Rae Dortmunder? That's a crummy name for a go-go dancer.

Inspector Steve Keller

She's a teacher. Schoolteacher.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Well, that's better. Mary Rae Dortmunder. Now that's a good name for a schoolteacher.

Inspector Steve Keller

[When Stone stops to buy a newspaper] Checking the box scores?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Yeah. If Chris knows anything about this Anthony kid, that'll make it a shutout, won't it?

Inspector Steve Keller

Yeah, old ink fingers, three; fuzz, zip.

Inspector Steve Keller

[Exiting the ACT Theater after a staging of "Othello"] Play really works too, doesn't it?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

I guess.

Inspector Steve Keller

You guess? Whaddaya mean, you guess? Sixteenth Century play that comes to life like that? With such contemporary values? A theme that still holds up?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Holds up? I'll tell you what holds up: "Abie's Irish Rose."

Inspector Steve Keller

"Abie's Irish Rose"? How can you even compare those two plays?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

They're both plays, aren't they?

Inspector Steve Keller

Yeah.

Inspector Steve Keller

You're puttin' me on.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

No, I'm not.

Inspector Steve Keller

Roy, it's been an hour and a half since Mike and I split up. Now I...

You're talkin' about maybe the most experienced guy in the department.

Inspector Steve Keller

I'm just talking about my partner, a guy I know better than anybody. A guy who would not wander around without checking in and leaving a 10-7.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

[Walking to the car after questioning the Rudolphs] Those kids were playin' there, all right. The way that joker made it sound, no kid would wanna miss what was going on there.

Inspector Steve Keller

I wonder how much that Billy really knows.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Well, he knows enough not to tell the old man the truth. Hey, what a way to raise kids, huh? Spook stories and spankings.

Inspector Steve Keller

[Stunned upon entering the junk-stuffed Edgerton home] I don't believe it. I really don't believe it. Rudolph said the old man collected trash. Looks like he imported the whole city dump.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

I don't know, buddy-boy. There is junk... and there is junk.

Inspector Steve Keller

[Chuckling] Yeah, but this is bananas time. I mean, this old guy is totally out of his tree.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Yeah, my guess is when his brother wouldn't go out into the world, Harlan brought the world in to him.

Inspector Steve Keller

[to the hysterical mother of a missing child] You have a family doctor?

Why?

Inspector Steve Keller

He could prescribe something for you to relax.

I don't want a doctor - I want my boy!

Inspector Steve Keller

[Upon being awoken at dawn by Stone] Hours like this I might as well have gone to med school.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Med school, huh? Going's one thing, gettin' through's another.