A character in The Streets of San Francisco
Played by Michael Douglas
The Streets of San Francisco · 69 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in The Streets of San Francisco: in 35 of its 69 quotes
Most scenes with: Detective Lt. Mike Stone (30)
Inspector Steve Keller[Bringing Beverly's "trick book" to Stone] There's gotta be over 200 names in this thing.
Anybody we know?
Inspector Steve Keller[Chuckling] I always thought you were a voyeur.
I find out what that means, you can be back driving a black-and-white again.
Inspector Steve KellerYou mean the only twelve nights off I've had all year?
Alright, how about tomorrow? Dodgers again? Huh? We can go out early and grab a couple of hot dogs, watch batting practice.
Inspector Steve KellerMike, Mike. You ever stop to think, maybe I wanna see someone with a face a little prettier than yours once in a while?
Alright. Alright, if I didn't know how much you hated baseball, I could take that personally.
He said this was gonna be our private tower just like the one the poet built in Big Sur.
Poet?
Inspector Steve KellerRobinson Jeffers. He built his own place out of rocks, called it a "Tower Beyond Tragedy."
I'd call him a dreamer. Man hasn't come up with a place that safe yet.
Some men keep trying.
[Lt. Stone shrugs]
Thank you.
Don't you ever answer the phone?
Inspector Steve KellerNot when it's in the refrigerator, no.
Inspector Steve Keller[In response to Stone implying that because of work he'll cancel his planned Hawaiian vacation] You know you really are a character. You don't trust anybody with your city, do ya?
My city? What are you talkin' about, "my city"?
Inspector Steve KellerYou know what I'm talking about; it's the truth. You don't take ten minutes for lunch, how are you gonna go take ten days sittin' under a tree?
I'll tell you what I'm gonna take - I'm gonna take you apart in just ten seconds!
Inspector Steve KellerAll right, Lieutenant, that's it.
[Pulls a card from his billfold and reads from it]
Inspector Steve KellerYou have the right to remain silent...
Oh, c'mon! OUT!
Are you OK?
Inspector Steve Keller[Breathing heavily] Like a cold shower after a hard workout. [Mike laughs] What are you laughing about?
[Mike points and laughs at Steve] You.
Inspector Steve KellerWhat?
[Mike continues to laugh]
Inspector Steve KellerWhat?
What time you got?
Inspector Steve Keller[Steve checks his watch] What are you worried about the time- Oh man!
[Steve slaps a barrel, while Mike laughs and claps]
Inspector Steve KellerWhat are you laughing about? You blew another hundred-dollar deposit to Hawaii!
Oh! Maybe next year.
Inspector Steve KellerYeah, yeah.
Don't forget your coat.
Inspector Steve KellerSure.
Pick up your shoes.
Inspector Steve KellerI got my shoes!
Inspector Steve KellerYou're famous for politicking on the lawn, rapping with people, the crazies, the intellectuals. Was there any group that hated Rhinelander?
The crazies hated him. But then they hate me too. They hate all authority. And these days, "authority" is anyone who wears a tie.
The mayor wants you on this one, lieutenant, and, uh, what's his name, your partner there?
Oh, this is Inspector Keller, Steve Keller.
Keller.
Inspector Steve KellerMr. Skowlownowski.
The mayor wants you to accept full responsibility for this thing so nothing gets lost between desks, got it?
Yessir, yessir.
I'll tell you, I have had it with these political assassinations! You don't like somebody else's view, you just get a gun and you blow 'em apart. Maybe the doomsday boys are right. Maybe this is the end of the world.
[Discussing the murdered Stephanie Brown] Maybe she was rotten to the core. Who cared?
Inspector Steve KellerWell, what was rotten about her?
She was a taker. A real taker.
What's a taker?
Oh, you know, somebody who leads you on and tries to get something out of you. Money, a car, anything. That's it. They just take it and it's "Goodbye, Charlie."
[Discussing the murdered Glenda Elliott with her former supervisor] Glenda Elliott? Let me put it this way, Mr. Keller. The first thing a girl like that does when she hits the hall is get a roster of the doctors. And she goes down it one by one in alphabetical order. When she comes to the interns, she moves on.
Inspector Steve KellerWell, what's wrong with interns?
They're poor, Mr. Keller. They are the church mice of medicine. Is that what you wanted to know?
Inspector Steve KellerYes, ma'am.
[the sniper being interrogated] Okay, so I shot her. What does that have to do with you? She didn't lie to you. She lied to me.
Inspector Steve KellerSo you killed her?
If I had enough ammo, I would've stayed up here forever. Forever!
Forever's just about where you're headed for, son.
No way, baby, no way. Two years in a head farm, eating public chow, and I'm back in circulation. You watch.
I can understand why he'd want to quit sales, though. Driving all over town. Knocking on doors. Lousy hours. Taking lip from people who don't wanna be bothered.
Inspector Steve KellerSounds kind of familiar.
I thought you'd see it.
[after spotting Angus Ferguson in a passing Winnebago] Gypsies, buddy-boy. Modern-day Gypsies. The Fergusons... They're like locusts. They pick a town and they pick it clean.
Inspector Steve KellerBunco, huh?
Yeah. None better.
[Stone looks at the book Keller presented him as a gift] Poems? Poetry?
Inspector Steve KellerIt's Ezra Pound. Remember Williams talking about him at the school?
Yeah, I remember. He talked to his class about him, yeah.
Inspector Steve KellerThat's right. That's for you.
[Reading a random page] Oh, now wait a minute. I can't read this.
Inspector Steve KellerWhy not?
Listen: "Raineth drop and staineth slop." Oh, come on now.
Inspector Steve KellerWait a minute, what?
Yeah. "Raineth drop and staineth slop. Skiddeth bus and sloppeth us." Now come on. Isn't poetry supposed to be clear and to the point?
Inspector Steve KellerThat's right.
Well, I've got something clear and to the point for you, young fella.
Inspector Steve Keller[Watching as Stone pulls a card from his pocket] What is this?
Sit quietly. "You have a right to remain silent." Is that clear?
Inspector Steve KellerThat's clear.
"Anything you say will be used against you in a court of law." Is that to the point?
Inspector Steve KellerThat's to the point.
All right, then get going!
I don't want the coroner to give me that bullet. I want it from him right now, so come along, we're going to the hospital.
I don't think so, Lieutenant. You don't have that authority. You're a policeman; I shouldn't have to tell you the law.
Inspector Steve KellerThe law?
Mm-hmm. I did some checking, and it seems among the other personal guarantees in this country is the guarantee that our bodies are inviolate. Not even the Supreme Court can force a man to submit to a surgical operation. That's the law, gentlemen. And I'm sure that, as officers sworn to uphold it, you won't do anything to make me break it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Streets of San Francisco pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
