Detective Lt. Mike Stone quotes from The Streets of San Francisco

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

[Identifying the body] That's Llewellyn. Looks like Groat used his Golden Rule before he could.

Inspector Steve Keller

Which one is that?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Do unto others before they do unto you.

Inspector Steve Keller

[On stakeout, discussing hitman Art Styles] He's with a girl. Mary Rae Dortmunder.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Mary Rae Dortmunder? That's a crummy name for a go-go dancer.

Inspector Steve Keller

She's a teacher. Schoolteacher.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Well, that's better. Mary Rae Dortmunder. Now that's a good name for a schoolteacher.

Inspector Steve Keller

[When Stone stops to buy a newspaper] Checking the box scores?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Yeah. If Chris knows anything about this Anthony kid, that'll make it a shutout, won't it?

Inspector Steve Keller

Yeah, old ink fingers, three; fuzz, zip.

Inspector Steve Keller

[Exiting the ACT Theater after a staging of "Othello"] Play really works too, doesn't it?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

I guess.

Inspector Steve Keller

You guess? Whaddaya mean, you guess? Sixteenth Century play that comes to life like that? With such contemporary values? A theme that still holds up?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Holds up? I'll tell you what holds up: "Abie's Irish Rose."

Inspector Steve Keller

"Abie's Irish Rose"? How can you even compare those two plays?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

They're both plays, aren't they?

Inspector Steve Keller

Yeah.

Inspector Steve Keller

You're puttin' me on.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

No, I'm not.

[Discussing the Cobra street gang] They were like a lot of the boys. The traditions are breaking down. They live on the streets.

I tried to help them at first. Maybe I was wrong. I gave them groceries, or a couple bucks.

They took advantage. It just got out of hand.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

It happens, Mrs. Barberio.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

[Walking to the car after questioning the Rudolphs] Those kids were playin' there, all right. The way that joker made it sound, no kid would wanna miss what was going on there.

Inspector Steve Keller

I wonder how much that Billy really knows.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Well, he knows enough not to tell the old man the truth. Hey, what a way to raise kids, huh? Spook stories and spankings.

Inspector Steve Keller

[Stunned upon entering the junk-stuffed Edgerton home] I don't believe it. I really don't believe it. Rudolph said the old man collected trash. Looks like he imported the whole city dump.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

I don't know, buddy-boy. There is junk... and there is junk.

Inspector Steve Keller

[Chuckling] Yeah, but this is bananas time. I mean, this old guy is totally out of his tree.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Yeah, my guess is when his brother wouldn't go out into the world, Harlan brought the world in to him.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

[Crying out in pain] Whoa!

What happened?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

' [Sucking his finger] I burned my finger.

Trigger finger?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

The one I type my reports with.

[Mike and Jeannie prepare dinner] Wait a minute. You said something about wine.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

In the refridge.

Chilled, huh? Must be white. White must be fish or fowl.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Everybody in this family's gotta be a detective.

Lieutenant, you've got a whole big city here. The switchboard down there's loaded with calls, your file cabinets with complaints. You take care of the city. You let me take care of Artis Pierce.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

No, I won't. I can't lay a hand on you until you break the law, commit a crime. You know it, and I know it. But the crime you're about to commit... well, that crime's the worst crime of all.

That's right. That's absolutely right. But Artis Pierce committed it first.

Inspector Steve Keller

[Upon being awoken at dawn by Stone] Hours like this I might as well have gone to med school.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Med school, huh? Going's one thing, gettin' through's another.

Inspector Steve Keller

You pick up one more piece of paper and you're gonna be arrested for obstruction of justice.

You have no right to intimidate...

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

You wanna hear all about rights? He'll read 'em to ya.

[Riled in response to Stone's aggressive questioning] You really like your job, don't you, Lieutenant? Gun on the hip, instant authority. Come to a place like this, collar the head man, roust him a little, give him the third degree. Pretty heady stuff, isn't it?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Look, Mr. Bradshaw...

No, you look! Take a look at all this. I laid everything I had on the line to build it from a bankrupt corporation to a big money company while you hid behind the city payroll. The authority I got, I earned. And I'm not about to stand here and listen to loaded questions from somebody who's pulling his clout from my taxes.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

[Examining a logo on a piece of evidence] Whaddaya call it?

Inspector Steve Keller

It's a unicorn.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Unicorn, that's it. What do you know about unicorns, buddy-boy?

Inspector Steve Keller

Unicorn. Singular. Not more than one. Used a lot in ancient myths. There's only one way to catch it.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

How's that?

Inspector Steve Keller

Well, it lays its head in the lap of a virgin.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

Well, now, you would know that. Information like that's gonna get you right to the top, buddy-boy!

Inspector Steve Keller

[Discussing Big Jake] Y'know, for a guy who's had his bell rung as many times as this Wilson, he thinks pretty good.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone

If we're on the right track, buddy-boy, he's not the headwork; he's the muscle.