“Waldorf & Statler” quotes from The Muppet Show

- What ails you?

- Insomnia.

- What was that?

- It's called the medium sketch.

- The medium sketch?

- Yeah, it wasn't rare, and it certainly wasn't well done.

- Do you think there's life in outer space?

- There's certainly none in THIS theater!.

- Well, shall we call it a night?

- Might as well. Certainly wouldn't call it a show.

- How do they do it?

- How do we watch it?

- Why do we watch it?

- [to the viewer] Why do you watch it?

- Have you ever thought there must be a life after death?

- Every time I leave this theater.

- (Statler laughs until he faints down to the ground with a death-like "ohhh")

- Gonzo: It's just a simple question of mind over matter...

- Well, we don't mind, and you don't matter!

- [Waldorf is asleep. Statler wakes him up.]

- Hey, you old fool! You slept through the show.

- Who's a fool? You watched it.

- Well, Waldorf, they finally made it to Broadway.

- Yup, and I already got tickets.

- You did? Are they good seats?

- They sure are, they're for the next train out of town!

- Yeah, that was different. Lousy...

- (in unison) ...but different!

- I liked that last number.

- What did you like about it?

- It was the LAST number!

- That joke is so old, it makes you look young!

- What did you think of that?

- I liked it!

- Ugh! You?! Uuuugh! (Bangs head on balcony edge three times) YOU... LIKED... THAT?!

- No... I just wanted to see what you did if I said I did.

- That seemed like something very different.

- Did you like it?

- No.

- Then it wasn't different.

- You know, the older I get, the more I appreciate good music.

- What's that got to do with what we just heard?

- Nothing, just thought I'd mention it.

- That number scared the pants off of me.

- Are you sure you didn't just forget to put them on?

- This show brought a tear to my eye...