(whispering) What is it now, McKenzie?
Will (also whispering) Sir, I need to go to the toilet.
Again?
Yes.
Well, you can’t.
(surprised) Sorry?
(whispering) That’ll be the 4th time in an hour. You’ll have to wait.
I’m pretty sure you can’t do that, sir.
If I have reason to believe you’re cheating, I can. And I do, so I have. Now get on with your paper. (He walks off in the direction of his desk.)
Oh, God, no. (Loudly, very high-pitched, despairingly after Mr. Gilbert) Phil!
(again) Phil!
Oh, no. (To Mr. Gilbert) Phil?
Oh, Jesus. (He walks over to Will. We hear other students groaning after realizing what’s happened.)
I thought it was a fart, sir. (Very high-pitched) I thought it was safe!
(voiceover, whilst this is happening) In a term of low-points, this was it. Literally, the bottom. And yet as I waddled to the toilet, I felt strangely optimistic. Things couldn’t get any worse. Painful as it may seem, in a way, I was free. Free to reinvent myself as whatever I wanted. Right after I changed my underpants.
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