Theodora Crain quotes from The Haunting of Hill House

Theodora Crain

Well, be sure to let your imagination get the best of you. That's the first step. Imagine the worst thing possible. Assume it's true. Then go from there.

Theodora Crain

[after Theo and Shirley sees Nell's ghost. Theo is extremely emotional] That was her! That was her! That was her! Did you see that, Shirley? Do you fucking believe THAT? You ought to know why I did it. I touched Nell because I had to know. You know what I'm talking about. Don't pretend that you don't. You know what happens when I touch people. A part of you knows, it always has. I had to know and I... I touched her. And I felt nothing. Just nothing. And it spread, it spread everywhere in me, this nothing, until I couldn't feel anything anymore. I was just this dark, empty black hole. And I tried to fill it up, I tried to fill me back up, and I called Trish and she came right away and I felt nothing. And then I tried to mourn at the wake and I felt nothing, and so I drank and I drank, and nothing worked. I couldn't feel anything, Shirley. After I touched her skin, I couldn't feel anything. And then we're in the basement and the lights go out. And I can't see. And I can't feel. And I'm just - I'm just floating in this ocean of nothing, and I wonder if this is it, if this is what death is, just out there in the darkness, just darkness and numbness and alone, and I wondered if that's what she felt and that's what Mom feels, and it's just numb and nothing and alone. What if that's what it is for all of us when the time comes? And then the lights came on and there he was, and I... I didn't see him. I didn't see him. He was the light in the darkness. He was a life preserver in the ocean. I just - I reached for him because I had to feel something. I had to feel anything. And I didn't see him. I didn't - I didn't see him. I didn't see him. I didn't see him! And he stopped me. He stopped me. He took my hands, and he said no, and then I saw him, and then you walked in. God, I'm so glad I did it, though. Because it worked. Oh, God, it worked. I started feeling things again, and I felt - I felt shame, and I felt grief, and I felt scared. I felt so fucking scared that I was gonna lose the only sister that I had left. And I... Honestly, I had to do it, because it felt better than nothing. That thorough fucking shame was so much better than that horrible, empty nothing. I can't - Shirley, please. I am - I am so - I am so, so, so sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, just please.

Theodora Crain

[about Nell] What's wrong with her?

Shirley Crain

I don't know.

Theodora Crain

You never really will. One foot in crazy and the other on a banana peel. Her whole life.

Theodora Crain

What does Mr. Smiley look like?

Just a big smile. Too big. He's always smiling, but he isn't happy.

Theodora Crain

That's really scary.

Shirley Crain

What do I say?

Theodora Crain

You answer the question that's asked. Don't elaborate, don't offer information that's not requested. Just tell them that their feelings are correct, and they're safe. And it's okay to be curious. And sad. Tell them you're sad, too.

Shirley Crain

And if they ask why?

Theodora Crain

Tell them you don't know. No one knows and that's okay. Better they ask you than me.

Theodora Crain

In movies they always say that they, uh, look like they're sleeping. She doesn't look like she's sleeping. She looks dead. I mean, you, um She looks great. You did a really good job as usual.

Shirley Crain

Thanks. But she "doesn't look like she's sleeping."

Theodora Crain

I don't know why people say that.

Shirley Crain

Most of what people say at a funeral is a wish. "They're in a better place." "They're at peace." "They're smiling down." People just wishing out loud.

Theodora Crain

How bad was it? I mean, when she got here? How did she look?

Shirley Crain

Are you really asking?

Theodora Crain

No. You're right...

[to Hugh] Can I get you anything? We got tons to eat, plenty to drink.

Theodora Crain

This is Kevin's coping mechanism. He turns into a waiter.

Theodora Crain

I just need you to know, that it wasn't Kevin's fault and he didn't do anything...

Shirley Crain

Don't you fucking dare defend my husband!

Theodora Crain

All of us, all of us are just always helping you keep up this idea in your head that you're perfect Shirley, and we're just a bunch of fuck-ups fucking up! Perfect Shirley's! Perfect fucking...

Shirley Crain

[Gives Theodora a hard shove in anger] Get out!

Theodora Crain

No! You do not just get to shut me out of your life...

Theodora Crain

Did you just punch me in the boob?

Shirley Crain

Yeah... Yeah! If you kiss my husband, that's what you get! You get punched in the fucking boob! And get evicted from my fucking house!

Luke Crain

She saved me!

Nell Crain

I feel a little clearer just now. We have.

Theodora Crain

Nell?

Nell Crain

All of us have. Wouldn't have changed anything. I need you to know that.

Steven Crain

Nell.

Nell Crain

The rest is confetti.

Steven Crain

Hey.

Nell Crain

So many times and we didn't know it. All of us.

Shirley Crain

Nelly?

Nell Crain

No, not a heart.

Steven Crain

Nell?

Nell Crain

A stomach. We have. All of us have.

Steven Crain

I don't think she can hear us.

Nell Crain

So many times and we didn't know it.

Steven Crain

All right, we need to get Luke out of here, we need to get him to a hospital - I don't get it.

Theodora Crain

All this time we tried to get into this room and now we can't get the fuck out.

Shirley Crain

I feel like I've been here before.

Nell Crain

We have. All of us have. So many times and we didn't know it. All of us. I feel a bit clearer now. Everything's been out of order. Time, I mean. I thought for so long that time was like a line, that... that our moments were laid out like dominoes, and that they... fell, one into another and on it went, just days tipping, one into the next, into the next, in a long line between the beginning... and the end. But I was wrong. It's not like that at all. Our moments fall around us like rain. Or... snow. Or confetti. You were right. We have been in this room. So many times and we didn't know. All of us. Mom says... that a house is like a body... and that every house... has eyes. And bones. And skin. And a face. This room is like the heart of the house. No, not a heart, a stomach. It was your dance studio, Theo. It was my toy room. It was a reading room for mom. A game room for Steve. A family room for Shirley. A treehouse. But it was always the Red Room. It put on different faces so that'd we'd be still and quiet. While it digested. I'm like a small creature swallowed whole by a monster. And the monster feels my tiny little movements inside.

Nell Crain

You have to live.

Luke Crain

I don't- I don't know how to do this without you.

Nell Crain

I learned a secret. There's no without. I am not gone. I'm scattered into so many pieces, sprinkled on your life like new snow. There's so much I want to say to you all.

Theodora Crain

I'm so sorry our last words were in anger.

Nell Crain

They weren't our last.

Shirley Crain

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't... answer the phone.

Nell Crain

But you did. So many times.

Steven Crain

I'm sorry if I didn't listen, and I'm sorry...

Nell Crain

It wouldn't have changed anything. I need you to know that. Forgiveness is warm. Like a tear on a cheek. Think of that and of me when you stand in the rain. I loved you completely. And you loved me the same. That's all. The rest is confetti.

Theodora Crain

I don't feel anything.

That's okay, none taken.

Theodora Crain

No, I don't I don't feel anything else.

Because you're normal. What were you feeling before?

Theodora Crain

I was feeling fear. And... And guilt.

Fear and guilt are sisters.