[Chidi, after his breakdown, is in his university classroom cooking a... very special style of chili.]
You put the Peeps in the chili pot and eat them both up! You put the Peeps in the chili pot and add the M&M's! You put the Peeps... in the chili pot, it makes it taste... bad...
[Chidi clears his throat.]
Imma eat all this chili. And/or... die trying. Anyone want any? I'm just gonna... put it right down here. C'mon! Dip your paws in my chili. Scoop your little mittens right in the stew.
Professor? I can see that you're going through something. But exams are next week, so can you teach us anything?
All right... NERD. Y'wanna LEARN somethin', I'll TEACH ya somethin'! I'ma teach ya the meanin' of life! How d'ya like THEM apples?
[Chidi begins a moral ethics lesson more along the lines of his usual behavior.]
Now, over the last twenty five hundred years, Western philosophers have formed three main theories on how to live an ethical life. Now, first off... there's Virtue Ethics. Aristotle believed that there were certain virtues of mind and character like courage or generosity and you should try to develop yourself in accordance with those virtues.
[The scene fades to Tahani and Jason speaking to a representative of an opera house.]
The gift will be anonymous.
[Back to Chidi's classroom.]
Next, there's Consequentialism; the basis for judgement about whether something is right or wrong stems from the consequences of that action; how much utility or good did it accomplish versus how much pain or bad.
[The scene cuts to Tahani and Jason giving random passerbys in the streets large stacks of money. After this, cut back to Chidi's classroom.]
And finally, there's Deontology. The school of thought that there are strict rules and duties that EVERYONE must adhere to in a functioning society.
[As Chidi continues, the scene cuts to an earlier scene of Eleanor struggling with the idea of pocketing the cash of a wallet she found on the floor of a bar, ultimately making the effort to seek out and return the wallet to its rightful owner. After this, cut back to Chidi's classroom.]
Being ethical is simply identifying and obeying those duties and following those rules. But here's the thing, my little chili babies: all THREE of those theories are hot, stinky cat dookie. The TRUE meaning of life -- the ACTUAL ethical system that you should all follow -- is NIHILISM. The world... is EMPTY. There is NO POINT... to ANYTHING and you're JUST GONNA DIE. So DO WHATEVER! And now, I'm gonna eat my marshmallow candy chili in silence and YOU ALL... can jump. Up. Your own. BUTTS.
Is that gonna be on the test?
Yes. And no. And you all get A's. or F's. And there is no test. And you all failed it. And you all got A's. Who cares? Goodbye. GOODBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...
[Chidi's philosophy students disperse after he has alienated every single one of them, but as the students leave, Eleanor is revealed to have been in attendance.]
Cool lecture. And cooler shirt. Feelin' all right?
I feel fine! I DO have a stomachache. Why do I ALWAYS have a stomachache?
Well, you just ate fifty pounds of chili, bro. This one's on you. Look, I know the future seems bleak. But I have a plan. Come with me.
[Eleanor makes to leave. Chidi approaches his pot full of chili monstrosity.]
NAH-AH-AH. Leave that chili, weirdo.
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