(5-28-2008) Tonight's show is brought to you by the number 1 and the letter Meee. This Is the Colbert Report!
(5-29-2008) Early to bed and early to rise makes you a loser. Let's party all night long. This Is the Colbert Report!
(6-2-2008) I saw "Sex and the City." Spoiler, she picks the Vivien Westwood dress. *mouths OMG* This Is the Colbert Report!
(6-3-2008) Time flies. Especially since I built a clock-a-pult. This Is the Colbert Report!
(6-4-2008) Today is the first day of the rest of your life and it's already 11:30. What a waste. This Is the Colbert Report!
(6-5-2008) I regret that I have but one life to give. I want more lives. This Is the Colbert Report!
(6-9-2008) If you can't beat 'em, report 'em to Homeland Security. They will beat them for you. This is the Colbert Report!
(6-10-2008) I'm Stephen Colbert, the most trusted name in the name of my show. This Is the Colbert Report!
(6-11-2008) The heat wave's over, but I'm still smokin'! This Is the Colbert Report!
(6-16-2008) Have I told you, lately, that I love me. This Is the Colbert Report!
(6-17-2008) Mark my words. Seriously, Mark, I need my words. Where's my script? This Is the Colbert Report!
(6-18-2008) This is the dawning of the age of Colbarious. This Is the Colbert Report!
(6-19-2008) Beauty isn't in the eye of the beholder. I've checked. There's nothing in there but veins and goo. This Is the Colbert Report!
(6-23-2008) Guests of the Colbert Report stay at the luxurious, Crashing with a friend. This Is the Colbert Report!
(6-24-2008) I promise to deliver the truth in the next 30 minutes or it's free. This Is the Colbert Report!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Colbert Report pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.