(4-10-2008) At the sound of the tone, the time will be; Tone Time *BOOP* This Is the Colbert Report!
(4-16-2008) Pennsylvania Cheer Leaders: *Give me a T* T *Give me a R* R *Give me a U* U *Give me a T* T *Give me a H* H. What does that Spell? (Audience: TRUTH!) Stephen: I KNEW IT! This Is the Colbert Report!
(4-21-2008) If I learned one thing from the Liberty Bell, it's that Crack is Wack. Stay in school kids. This Is the Colbert Report!
(4-22-2008)You say Tomato? I say This Is the Colbert Report!
(4-23-2008) Nation, I'm really under the gun. Seriously, I stashed a pistol under my toupee. This Is the Colbert Report!
(4-24-2008) The Truth shall set you free! Unless you killed somebody. In which case, tell the cops they were breathing when you left the room. This Is the Colbert Report!
(4-29-2008) How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Limo. Limo. Limo. This Is the Colbert Report!
(5-1-2008) I started my Kentucky Derby party early. I'm full of julep and I got a gun. This Is the Colbert Report!
(5-5-2008) Happy Cinco de Mayo. Remember, tomorrow is a great day to buy a used Pinata. This Is the Colbert Report!
(5-6-2008) Shouldn't it be "No we don't have any Bananas?" That's been bugging me for 75 years. This Is the Colbert Report!
(5-12-2008) The price of stamps rose a penny. Sweet! I just made 20 cents on my pack of forever stamps. This Is the Colbert Report!
(5-13-2008) You put your left foot in. You take your left foot out. You put your left foot in and you shake it all about. Who knew restless leg syndrome was so much fun? This Is the Colbert Report!
(5-14-2008) Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Give him a sub prime fish loan, you're in business buddy. This Is the Colbert Report!
(5-15-2008) Good things come to those who wait. _______*Long Pause*_______ This Is the Colbert Report!
(5-27-2008) We're starting summer hours here. Thank You and Good Night. This Is the Colbert Report!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Colbert Report pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.