(03-16-2009) Hey, did you read today's London Financial Times? Then why are you watching this show? This is the Colbert Report!
(03-17-2009) It's Saint Patrick's Day. So you can kiss my blarney stones. This Is the Colbert Report!
(03-18-2009) Hey Bartlett's, here's a quotation. Put me in your book or you're a jerk. This is the Colbert Report!
(03-19-2009) Let's play rock paper scissors. Mail in your answers, and let's see who won. This Is the Colbert Report!
(03-30-2009) Hey former GM CEO Rick Wagner. If you're looking for a job, I need somebody to stand in my parking space. This Is the Colbert Report!
(03-31-2009) I thought March was suppose to go out like a lamb. Where's my mint jelly? This Is the Colbert Report!
(04-01-2009) Hey, song birds nesting outside my window, you're now 82 months behind rent. This Is the Colbert Report!
(04-02-2009) E.R is off the air after 15 seasons. That's what you get with Obama's socialized medicine. This Is the Colbert Report!
(04-06-2009) It's April 6th. Only nine more days to hide your assets offshore. This Is the Colbert Report!
(04-07-2009) Vermont just legalized gay marriage. Ben, you can finally propose to Jerry. This Is the Colbert Report!
(04-08-2009) Put your money where your mouth is. It's a lot safer than a bank. This Is the Colbert Report!
(04-14-2009) Hey Navy Seals, why don't you take a crack at Captain Morgan? That guy made me feel like I was captive in a boat for 5 days. This Is the Colbert Report!
(04-15-2009) Do not adjust your set, unless you wanna make my face even redder. This Is the Colbert Report!
(04-16-2009) I hate to pat myself on the back. So I have my assistant do it. This Is the Colbert Report!
(04-20-2009) Spoiler Alert, ugly duckling, you're actually a swan. An ugly one. This Is the Colbert Report!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Colbert Report pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.