(12-04-2008) Only 21 more "can't afford to shopping days" till Christmas. This Is the Colbert Report!
(12-08-2008) I don't wanna let the cat out of the bag. That cat knows what it did and it needs to be punished. This Is the Colbert Report!
(12-09-2008) I'm calling for an auto bailout. Because I drove my car into a lake. This Is the Colbert Report!
(12-10-2008) Remember the old adage, starve a cold, feed a fever, behead a zombie. This Is the Colbert Report!
(12-11-2008) It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere I go. Possibly because I live in Macy's. This Is the Colbert Report!
(01-07-2009) It's the year of the Ox. Good, I was getting sick of eating rat. This Is the Colbert Report!
(01-08-2009) The Hills, are alive, with the sound of, Wolves! Run Maria, Run! This Is the Colbert Report!
(01-12-2009) Fool me once. Shame on You. Fool me twice. Shame on you again. I am shameless! This Is the Colbert Report!
(01-13-2009) A house divided against itself cannot stand, but it's worth squat in this market anyway. This Is the Colbert Report!
(01-14-2009) Hey! I don't pay my taxes. Why can't I be Treasury Secretary? This Is the Colbert Report!
(01-15-2009) It's my way or the toll way. No free rides. This Is the Colbert Report!
(01-19-2009) Just 12 more hours until all those Bush countdown clocks explode. You fools! This Is the Colbert Report!
(01-21-2009) [Reciting with hand raised]: I, Stephen Colbert, promise faithfully to-I mean faithfully promise- Oh, fuck it! Colbert Report!
(01-22-2009) Congratulations to "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" on its 13 Oscar nominations. See, Americans do support torture. This Is the Colbert Report!
(01-26-2009) Hey Iceland, you cannot make a Molotov cocktail with yogurt. This Is the Colbert Report!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Colbert Report pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.