(10-28-2008) The following was supposed to contain nudity. Thanks a lot, network. This Is the Colbert Report!
(10-29-2008) I don't pay attention to polls. I just count lawn signs. So get ready for President Remax. This Is the Colbert Report!
(10-30-2008) Hey kids, if you need a last minute costume idea, you can always go door to door as a McCain campaigner. This Is the Colbert Report!
(11-05-2008) I didn't vote! If I wanted to stay in line for hours, I'd be an audience member at my show. This Is the Colbert Report!
(11-06-2008) Hey, did you guys see tonight's episode of The Colbert Report? This Is the Colbert Report!
(11-11-2008) What is the sound of one me talking? This Is the Colbert Report!
(11-12-2008) Hey TelePrompTer. Stop telling me what to do. Pause, Then Yell. This Is the Colbert Report!
(11-13-2008) Hey, single malt scotch. You're 30 years old. When are you gonna settle down and get married? To my stomach. This Is the Colbert Report!
(11-17-2008) If your Colbert Report lasts longer than a half an hour, consult your physician. This Is the Colbert Report!
(11-18-2008) If you ever forget to watch my show, try this handy mnemonic. Watch. My. Show. This Is the Colbert Report!
(11-19-2008) Sarah Palin is getting a book deal. Which means, Wasilia is getting a book store. This Is the Colbert Report!
(11-20-2008) It's my last show before Thanksgiving so I'm going to pardon my turkey. I'm going to put part of it in my stomach, part of it in some sandwiches. This Is the Colbert Report!
(12-01-2008) I'm back from Thanksgiving break. Now you have something to be thankful for. This Is the Colbert Report!
(12-02-2008) If you're looking for an inexpensive way to heat your home, may I suggest grease fire. This Is the Colbert Report!
(12-03-2008) Portions of this show may have been pre-recorded. I've done so many, it's hard to remember. This Is the Colbert Report!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Colbert Report pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.