Stephen Colbert quotes from The Colbert Report

Stephen

(11-20-2008) It's my last show before Thanksgiving so I'm going to pardon my turkey. I'm going to put part of it in my stomach, part of it in some sandwiches. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(12-01-2008) I'm back from Thanksgiving break. Now you have something to be thankful for. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(12-02-2008) If you're looking for an inexpensive way to heat your home, may I suggest grease fire. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(12-03-2008) Portions of this show may have been pre-recorded. I've done so many, it's hard to remember. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(12-04-2008) Only 21 more "can't afford to shopping days" till Christmas. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(12-08-2008) I don't wanna let the cat out of the bag. That cat knows what it did and it needs to be punished. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(12-09-2008) I'm calling for an auto bailout. Because I drove my car into a lake. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(12-10-2008) Remember the old adage, starve a cold, feed a fever, behead a zombie. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(12-11-2008) It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere I go. Possibly because I live in Macy's. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(01-07-2009) It's the year of the Ox. Good, I was getting sick of eating rat. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(01-08-2009) The Hills, are alive, with the sound of, Wolves! Run Maria, Run! This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(01-12-2009) Fool me once. Shame on You. Fool me twice. Shame on you again. I am shameless! This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(01-13-2009) A house divided against itself cannot stand, but it's worth squat in this market anyway. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(01-14-2009) Hey! I don't pay my taxes. Why can't I be Treasury Secretary? This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(01-15-2009) It's my way or the toll way. No free rides. This Is the Colbert Report!