Stephen Colbert quotes from The Colbert Report

Stephen

(01-19-2009) Just 12 more hours until all those Bush countdown clocks explode. You fools! This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(01-21-2009) [Reciting with hand raised]: I, Stephen Colbert, promise faithfully to-I mean faithfully promise- Oh, fuck it! Colbert Report!

Stephen

(01-22-2009) Congratulations to "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" on its 13 Oscar nominations. See, Americans do support torture. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(01-26-2009) Hey Iceland, you cannot make a Molotov cocktail with yogurt. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(01-27-2009) America, here's my stimulus package! [Colbert takes off his glasses] Hello ladies. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(01-28-2009) What do I have to do to get nominated for an Oscar? Make a movie? This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(01-29-2009) Scotch tape, either change your name or get me drunk. I nearly choked last night. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(02-02-2009) It's Groundhog Day. Gentlemen, start your groundhogs! This is The Colbert Report!

Stephen

(02-03-2009) Hey lady liberty, isn't time you settled down and found yourself a man? This is The Colbert Report!

Stephen

(02-04-2009) Here's a brain teaser for ya. Your brain's ugly. This is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(02-05-2009) Don't put off till tomorrow what your team of personal assistants can do today. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(02-09-2009) It's official. Highway patrolmen are not susceptible to the Jedi Mind Trick. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(02-10-2009) Let's agree to disagree with anybody who disagrees with me. This is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(02-11-2009) I'll never use steroids to get stronger. I just use them for the 'roid rage. This Is the Colbert Report!

Stephen

(02-23-2009) When life gives you lemons, make scrambled eggs. I make terrible scrambled eggs. This is the Colbert Report!