So, when you say you’re not going to freak out about the DVD, here’s what that means. Don’t fixate on it. Don’t wake me up in the middle of the night. Or nag me through the door while I’m on the toilet.
Okay, first, talking to you while you’re on the toilet isn’t exactly a picnic for me either, okay? Remember, when you can hear me, I can hear you. And second, you completely disregard how uncomfortable unresolved issues are for me. It’s, it’s like, a, an itch in my brain I can’t scratch.
When I broke my arm I used to stick a coat hanger down there. You ever try that? Maybe go in through the ear?
You wouldn’t make jokes if you could feel the way I feel.
Well, I don’t know how to do that.
How about this? I promise I won’t pester you about the DVD. You can defecate in peace. That’s a win for both of us. But, until this matter is resolved, I would like you to wear this sweater. With nothing underneath it.
That’s stupid. Why?
You say it’s itchy and uncomfortable. I say situations like this make me feel the same way.
I’m telling you, try the hanger.
Put it on. Let’s share the experience.
You got it. If this sweater shuts you up, I’m gonna make a fortune selling them to everyone we know. Now all I need to do is head down to the video store and return the DVD.
Oh, did I forget to tell you? That store went out of business years ago.
Really?
How those nipples feeling, chief?
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