I'm after workers, not shirkers. Winners, not wingers.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Now, in last year's boardroom, I surprised everyone by investing in two winners, so this year expect the unexpected.
Just to make this clear, make me money and don't piss me off.
RMRick Monk
We're going to Malta, these girls have no chance of winning this first task, they are going to be fashion conscious, "all my make-ups running", "doing my hair". The boys are tall, we are definitely gunner wipe the floor with them.
KPKurran Pooni
LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!
DEDaniel Elahi
So did you shake Claude's hand?
Camilla Ainsworth: No, but I gave him a "Yoo-Hoo", which went down... badly.
Daniel Elahi: I'm going to shake his hand.
Camilla Ainsworth: You won't be able to-
Daniel Elahi: I will.
(Daniel Elahi walks into Claude's office ready to face his interview; Daniel helds his hand out to Claude in order for him to shake it.)
Good afternoon, Claude.
Claude Littner: (rudely rejecting Daniel's handshake; Not even looking at Daniel) Take a Seat.
Daniel Elahi: (Saddened and humiliated) Alright.
How many sticks did you sell last year?
Daniel Elahi: It was about forty seven thousand.
Mike Soutar: So how come it says on your product page on Amazon, "over one million sold globally"?
Daniel Elahi: (after being presented with a copy of his product page on Amazon) Yeah, that's not correct...
Mike Soutar: How has that appeared on there?
Daniel Elahi: I would need to review that...
Mike Soutar: I'd like you to review that right now! Can you tell me who wrote that phrase?
Daniel Elahi: I would need to check.
Mike Soutar: So you didn't write that?
Daniel Elahi: I could have written that...
Mike Soutar: I think you did write that!
Daniel Elahi: It's possible that...
Mike Soutar: I'd rather you didn't lie about this.
Daniel Elahi: Yeah, it's highly likely that I wrote that.
Mike Soutar: What percentage likely?
Daniel Elahi: Yeah, probably ninety percent likely I wrote that.
Mike Soutar: Would you say a hundred percent likely that you wrote that?
Daniel Elahi: I would...
Mike Soutar: You wrote that, didn't you?
Daniel Elahi: ...Okay. Yeah.
Mike Soutar: Why would you lie? It's very disappointing.
Lord Sugar (Lord Sugar wonders who will be a better business partner for him out of the remaining candidates Camilla and Sian) It's very tough for me to make a decision... but on reflection... (To Sian) but Sian, you have a good aptitude and a talent for design (hires Sian) you're gonna be my next business partner (Sian is over the moon).
NThe Narrator
On the other team (shows Ryan-Mark Parsons and Lewis Ellis riding a rollercoaster)
Ryan-Mark Parsons: (Screaming as the rollercoaster goes up) Lewis. Lewis. LEWIS!
Lewis Ellis: Oh my god.
The Narrator: Getting to grips with Saw
Ryan-Mark Parsons: (Screaming and laughing as the rollercoaster goes up)
The Narrator: Lewis and Ryan-Mark (the rollercoaster then goes down and the ride goes down with Lewis and Ryan-Mark screaming the whole way through, finally, the ride reaches an end)
Lewis Ellis: (After the ride and Ryan-Mark's screaming has finished; jokingly) Everyone heard you screaming down there, look you made us a laughing stock (laughs and waves to the audience).
Representative of 'War Paint': (after being attempted to be sold Affinity's skincare product 'Anti-Venom') Have you tried it?
Bradley Johnson: We have tried it...
Representative of 'War Paint': It doesn't come off.
Bradley Johnson: It will come off once diluted with water.
Representative of 'War Paint': And it looks like...watered down shower gel, that smells like toilet freshener.
Bradley Johnson: We are willing to work with you, and we can create a product that will be flying off your shelves.
Representative of 'War Paint': I think if you could completely recreate a product that isn't just...green water, and didn't have (shows the bottle) this packaging (and the box) or this packaging, then we could maybe talk about it.
Bradley Johnson: So if we could-strike a deal today, would that work with you?
Representative of 'War Paint': Strike a deal on-completely re-inventing the brand?
(after hearing the results that results in a third loss as project manager for Bradley Johnson) Bradley, three times project manager, three times you've tried to change the product right in front of the customer while you're pitching. I've told you before: I don't ever want to see you back in this boardroom again; and I tell you what: I'm never going to see you back in this boardroom again.
(during the discussions about the candidates for the final boardroom after Supream's massive failure on the negotiation task) I've got to tell you Alan: They all made mistakes, they're all culpable and they all should be back in here.
(as part of one of the fastest firings and final boardrooms ever) Nadia - we can't find any other reason for the failure of this task other than your decision that you made for bangers and mash. The amount of money paid for sausages, £500 odds worth, really killed this task - so Nadia, you've left me nowhere to go, unfortunately. You're Fired!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Apprentice pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.