People, people! I know what this rock is. Carl, Sheen, show the first slide.
[speaking into a megaphone] SLIDE!
Ow, Sheen, I'm right next to you!
[The lights go out and a slideshow begins the rock's history]
Since 1511, there have been reports of rocks with strange symbols falling from the daytime sky. In every case, these rocks were destroyed before scientists had a chance to study them. These are those rocks. Minsk, Russia, 1653-- Rock pulverized by Imperial guards. Reykjavík, Iceland, 1810-- Also crushed. Lima, Peru, 1880-- Rock elected mayor, then overthrown by rebels.
Well, at least it wasn't crushed.
Then crushed. Butte, Montana, 1957-- Rock made into soup and eaten by prospectors.
[The last photo shows Sheen snorkeling in a bathroom toilet]
[screams] Carl!
Ladies and gentlemen, the aliens that sent these message stones are today, giving Earth another chance. I implore you to let me take the rock to my lab for study!
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