Announcer of the ADA, Dr. Foley and others in “The Tooth Fairy Tats 2000”

Fellow dentists! As you all know, we are still having numerous reports of missing teeth from all over the country. There are also reports of missing tooth-fairy money. We believe that there can be only one logical reason for all of this: a giant half-chicken, half-squirrel, that steals either teeth or money from children as they sleep in order to build some kind of giant nest, for genetically superior and potentially dangerous offspring. We believe also that the creature would have at least a mild understanding of algebra, and that it...

Excuse me, I think I have a more logical theory!

Well, by all means, Dr. Foley, enlighten us.

I think what we've got here is some kind of black-market tooth racket. Something where one group is stealing the money and teeth from another group for a profit.

[all laughing] Oh, Dr. Foley! You realize how ridiculous that sounds?

It's not ridiculous, it's very possible! I've seen it happen before!

Where?

In Montreal.

[more laughing] And where, pray, is this "Montreal"?

Look, I know how to handle this. All we have to do is bring down the kingpin and the rest will fall. You'll see! I'll have it taken care of in a matter of weeks!

Very well, Dr. Foley! You go on your wild goose chase, and meanwhile we'll deal with the real problems at hand.

I will! [leaves]

[laughs] Anyway, the half-chicken, half-squirrel would most likely be about 3 to 4.5 feet tall. His large beak is probably detachable and works as a flotation device.