Come on, Rick - if we can't laugh at the humiliated, who can we laugh at?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
What's the problem?
Well, for one thing, she's blackmailing me.
Really? Wow... beauty, brains, and a great personality!
You've committed to selling 1,000 bags of popcorn. So, I'll tell you what... first thing tomorrow morning, we'll go down to the mail, and you'll sell 1,000 bags.
In one day? That's impossible.
Well, you never know until you try. But I'll tell you this much... if you work hard and earn that $1,000, you're gonna feel a whole lot better about yourself.
Okay, Dad, I'll give it a try. But if I go through all that hard work and don't feel any better about myself, your credibility is shot.
I did it, Dad! I sold the rest of the popcorn.
You did? But how? I thought you were upstairs.
No. I went out and I sold the popcorn from door to door to door to door. I sold most of them that way.
Great! How'd you sell the rest of them?
Derek's father bought 'em.
He did?
Yeah. I just went and knocked on a door at the Shangri-La Motel and Derek's father answered. He seemed real nervous. He bought my last 88 bags. I wonder why?
Well, when I see him, you can bet I'll ask him.
[on Derek's business project] He's gonna tell everybody he's manufacturing picture frames in his treehouse. Then he's gonna burn it down, and collect the insurance.
I wanna talk to you about our partnership.
Partnership?
Relax. Don't have a cow. Let's face it. J.T. and Lisa are strictly bush league. But you and me, we're like Baskin and Robbins, Sears and Roebuck, Montgomery and Ward.
No, Derek. We're more like Lincoln and Booth.
Derek, you know... I've read somewhere that there's a little bit of good in even the worst person. That must have been written before you were born.
Hi, Dad.
Later, son. I'm... Rick! Oh, son, are you all right?
We were worried sick about you!
Yeah, I'm fine, but didn't you hear? The Ski Patrol's looking for a lost kid.
Rick, they're looking for you! We thought you were lost.
That's ridiculous! I'm not lost. I'm right here.
Would you like to come fishing with me sometime?
DSDexter Stuffins
I'm afraid that's impossible. I'm allergic to recreation.
I know, I know - you're gonna tell me what you always tell me: The world isn't fair.
SGrandpa Stratton
I was going to say that the more you own of the world, the fairer it gets.
Was the greatest man who ever walked the earth, your Dad, Dan Danish bitter?
BDBob Danish
Well, the greatest man who ever walked the earth, my Dad, Dan Danish was not bitter. Although when he died, he was a broken man.
Oh, so I guess it did bother him.
BDBob Danish
No, piano fell on him.
They just realized that the greenhouse is burning down. The firemen are trying to get inside. [glass shatters] They're inside. This is neat!
Rick, the backyard is an inferno! Total destruction is not neat!
BDBob Danish
Lighten up, He's just a kid. Probably his first disaster.
FFreddy
Turn it on!
It's on! Boy is it on!
JTJ.T.
That must be Cinnamon Toast! All those Venutians got some great lookin' nurses!
How come she isn't wearing any clothes?
JTJ.T.
Simple! The doctor's givin' her an examination!
OK, then how come the doctor's not wearing clothes?
JTJ.T.
You see, I think that has to do with why we're not supposed to be watching this kind of stuff!
FFreddy
How are they?
Outstanding!
[Kate enters the living room to pick up something she forgot. She hears the TV (and the boys) laughing in the den and goes to investigate. She opens the door a bit, takes in horror as she sees what's on the TV, and flings the door open, getting Ricky and J.T.'s attention.]
Kate!!
FFreddy
Kate's in this?!
Ricky, what is going on here?
Well, you see, Nurse Toast is getting a checkup from the doctor...
That's not what I meant, what I mean is, why are you watching this kind of........ show? Well?
I don't think this doctor and nurse were really in love. I mean, during the whole thing, she never stopped reading The Wall Street Journal!
I think you may have the idea. See, son, movies like that reduce lovemaking to purely physical, mechanical acts... and, in my opinion, they put down women... treat them like mindless sex objects.
Why do we get these movies on our TV?
Well... it comes with the cable service. See, I ordered the cable service because I want to see... recent movies without commercials. And to my surprise, they... they also broadcast these skin flicks! I-I have no choice... if I want to watch a decent movie, then I just have to order these... these movies at the same time!... Are you buying this?
Dad, you're a grownup... I guess you can watch whatever you want!
Yes, I can, son, but I don't choose to watch movies like this... and until you're old enough to make your own decisions, I won't allow you to watch 'em either. Is that understood?
That's understood.
[Ricky and Edward hug]
Let's get some sleep.
Dad? Thanks for talking to me about this.
Well, thanks for listening.
And thanks for being so open.
Thanks for coming to me and telling me about it.
And thanks for not grounding me!
Nice try, Rick.
[sheepish grin] Thanks!
Uh, son, you forgot to give me back my keys.
Would you believe I lost it?
Another nice try.
Thanks!
[Edward catches Rick and Samantha sleeping on the bed, both fully clothed.]
[shaking Rick's foot] Rick!
RRick
Oh, hi Dad... Dad! [Rick looks over at Samantha and takes in alarm when he realizes that they've been sleeping on the bed]
SSamantha
[groggily] What happened?
That's a good question!
RRick
But Dad, we must have fallen asleep!
That's not a good answer!
SSamantha
I am so embarrassed....
RRick
Dad, it's not what you think... I was just showing her my moles!
[Edward has a look of serious alarm on his face]
We'll talk about your moles later! Samantha's mother just called... she's worried sick about you!
SSamantha
Great... it's been nice knowing you.
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