Oliver O'Toole quotes from Signed, Sealed, Delivered

Oliver O'Toole

Sometimes, I wonder who mailed the first letter. Who was that brave soul who put a stamp on an envelope and released it into the world, trusting a stranger to deliver it across the miles and across time?

Oliver

There it is. A beacon of hope to those who still put their faith in the power of a piece of paper and a 46-cent stamp. And behind every letter stand thousands of dedicated heroes who still fight the good fight through rain and snow and fiscal cliffs to deliver every note, every card, every letter. ...And I am one of them. The few... the proud... the postal. I work for you, whoever you are, or whoever you were.

Oliver

I went on a pilgrimage to the National Postal Museum two years ago. It was glorious.

Shane McInerney

I can't say that I ever went.

Oliver

I got lost in it.

Shane

Did you go alone?

Oliver

No. Well, sort of. I, uh, I took my wife, a lovely person whose interests extended far beyond the written word to, shall we say, the somewhat decadent. We were standing in front of the Pony Express exhibit. I turned around; she wasn't there anymore. I looked everywhere for her. I finally gave up. I went back to the Holiday Inn Express and, um, waited for her. She never came. I was just about to call the police when I noticed that little red light blinking on the phone. She left this message: she said that she was tired of being married to a government official, and she figured, since she was in Washington, DC, it was the closest she had ever been to Paris, so she was getting on a plane and moving to France.

Shane

I'm so sorry, Oliver. Did she ever come back?

Oliver

Not yet. The last thing she said on her message was, "I'll send you my forwarding address. Au revoir!" Actually, she pronounced it "or rev-or," but I assume her accent's much improved by now.

Shane

Don't you think you've waited for her long enough?

Oliver

I believe in keeping promises. I am, after all, a gentleman.

Shane

That you are.

Oliver O'Toole

"All's well that ends well," hmm?

Shane McInerney

No, no. You do not get to quote Shakespeare tonight. Shakespeare never had to thwart a drug cartel.

Oliver

"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, some have greatness thrust upon 'em."

Shane

You're impossible.

Shane McInerney

Oliver, why don't you just ask one of your friends, or a neighbor, or one of the nice ladies at your church?

Oliver O'Toole

I don't want a nice lady, I want you— [awkwardly cuts himself off too late]

Shane

Oh. Hm.

Oliver

What I mean is that you and I have danced before, and you are not entirely without grace.

Shane

[sarcastically] Oh, be still my heart.

Oliver

I would very much appreciate it, Ms. McInerney.

Shane

Okay, Oliver. I will.

Oliver O'Toole

How dare you? How dare you invade my privacy? And my wife's? With that horrible machine and that insatiable curiosity of yours? I assume that's what you did: looked up my wife's comings and goings. Just because you have the means to do so, just because you can?!

Shane McInerney

Because I care, Oliver! I watch you check that stupid Paris box every single day, telling yourself that she must have sent a forwarding address, and convincing yourself that it just got lost in the mail, and, someday, it'll find its way back to the Dead Letter Office and—

Oliver

So what?!

Shane

So what? So you can stop living in limbo and start living your life!

Oliver

It's my life to live! Why couldn't you mind your own business? Just let... let...

Shane

...Nature take its course? I'm sorry, Oliver. I am truly sorry, but this bird has flown, my friend.

Oliver

This is how friends behave?

Shane

I don't know. I don't know. I don't—I've never had a friend like you before.

Oliver

Yes, well... you may presume too much.

Shane

[after a stunned pause] Maybe so.

Norman Dorman

Uh, barkeep? May I have an Arnold Palmer? Shaken, not stirred?

Oliver O'Toole

Norman, we were growing concerned.

Norman

Ah. Thank you.

Shane McInerney

I see you dressed for the occasion.

Norman

Ah, yes. I often dress... for occasions. Rita? May I buy you an Arnold Palmer?

Rita Haywith

Why, yes, please, with an umbrella, please.

Shane McInerney

Ugh, I've got to do something to keep myself from going crazy. Let's play a game. Okay, I will say something and you say the first thing that comes into your head. Ready?

Oliver O'Toole

No.

Shane

Door.

Oliver

Knob.

Shane

Window.

Oliver

Washer.

Shane

Car.

Oliver

...burator.

Shane

Ha! That's a Norman answer.

Oliver

[chuckles] I know.

Norman Dorman

...And Shane, you will be over here above the stable.

Shane McInerney

I'm sorry, I'm what?

Norman

You're the angel.

Shane

No. No. No! I'm helping Jordan design set. I'm no angel.

Oliver O'Toole

A very provocative thought, Ms. McInerney.

I notice that you call Rita "Rita," but you call Shane "Ms. McInerney?"

Oliver

Yes, well, uh, it started as an office formality, but, uh, it just continued. Don't know exactly why I do that.

I think you do. She's a very special lady.

Oliver

[hesitantly] Yes, she is.

Oliver

I will make my way home, or get a ride with someone, after I clean up. The bear may have to stay a day or two.

Shane

Just make sure he gets home before New Year's. He's a party animal.

Oliver

That was a terrible joke.

Shane

[laughs] I know.

Oliver O'Toole

There is so much I could have done and I didn't. And I don't know why.

Shane McInerney

Because it hurt. And it froze you up. You're like the snowman I saw in the park on my way in this morning. And he's just stuck there, left behind by someone who made him that way. All he can do is wait for the thaw before he can change.

Oliver

But... then he melts.

Oliver

It was a long winter, but spring is almost here.

Shane

It's coming.

Oliver O'Toole

I was thinking about that slide in the park. I told you I didn't remember it, but... I did. I remember thinking... how scared I was. I was too embarrassed to turn around and climb back down, and I was too scared to pull off and slide down, so I just, I sat there. And Mama got so mad. So mad. Finally she said, "Well... I guess we're just gonna have to leave you here. Bye, Ollie." She just walked away. But...

But?

Oliver

You just... you sat down, right on the ground. And you said something like... like...

"Take your time, Ollie. I'm not going anywhere."

I want to tell her the truth and I want to tell her I'm sorry. I just don't know how to tell her goodbye.

Norman Dorman

[steps forward shyly] Uh... Um... When Abraham Lincoln was 26 years old, he went to visit a woman who may or may not have been his fiancée. Nobody's ever been able to prove it. We do know that she was dying of typhoid, so he had gone to say goodbye to her. Nobody knows what they said to each other that day, but after he left, he was never the same again.

Oliver O'Toole

Norman...

Norman

She told him—well, I like to think that she told him—not to dwell in the past, or blame himself for what he couldn't change. And no one could ever understand the special bond that they had. And I think that she told him that none of it would matter if he didn't carry on after she was gone. And I guess we both know that he did.