I have, by the way, a job offer I should like you to decline.
I...decline your kind offer.
I shall pass on your regrets.
MI6. They want to place you back into Eastern Europe. An undercover assignment that would prove fatal to you in, I think, about six months.
Then why don't you want me to take it?
It's tempting, but on balance, you have more utility closer to home.
Utility! How do I have utility?
Here be dragons. [coughs on his cigarette] This isn't agreeing with me. I'm going in.
[amused] You need low tar. You still smoke like a beginner.
Also...your loss would break my heart.
[Sherlock chokes on his cigarette]
What the hell am I supposed to say to that?!
Yes. Perhaps there was something in the punch.
Clearly. Go and have some more.
MMagnussen
Nothing! There's nothing to be done. Oh, I'm not a villain, I have no "evil plan". I'm a businessman, acquiring assets. You happen to be one of them. Sorry, no chance for you to be a hero this time, Mr. Holmes!
Oh, do your research. I'm not a hero, I'm a high-functioning sociopath! Merry Christmas! [shoots Magnussen in the head, then drops the gun and raises his hands to the police helicopter] Get away from me, John! Stay well back!
[After Sherlock Holmes is sent off, and Jim Moriarty returns]
[Man hands Sherlock a telephone]
Hello little brother. How's the exile going?
I've only been gone four minutes.
Well, I certainly hope you've learnt your lesson. As it turns out, you're needed.
Oh, for god's sake, make up your mind.
[While waiting for the "ghost" to attack]
That watch that you're wearing - there's a photograph inside it. I glimpsed it once. I believe it is of Irene Adler.
[irritated] You didn't "glimpse" it, you waited till I had fallen asleep and looked at it.
You seriously thought I wouldn't notice?
Formidable opponent. A remarkable adventure.
Why are you talking like this?
Why are you so determined to be alone?
Are you quite well, Watson?
Is it such a curious question?
From a Viennese alienist, no; from a retired army surgeon, most certainly!
Holmes, against absolutely no opposition whatsoever, I am your closest friend.
I am currently attempting to have a perfectly normal conversation with you.
Why do you need to be alone?
If you are referring to romantic entanglement, Watson – which I rather fear you are – as I have often explained before, all emotion is abhorrent to me. It is the grit in a sensitive instrument...
[almost simultaneously with him] ... "the crack in the lens", yes.
Well, there you are, you see? I've said it all before.
No, I wrote all that. You're quoting yourself from The Strand Magazine.
No, those are my words, not yours! That is the version of you that I present to the public: the brain without a heart, the calculating machine. I write all of that, Holmes, and the readers lap it up, but I do not believe it.
Well, I've a good mind to write to your editor.
You are a living, breathing man. You've lived a life; you have a past.
Well, you must have had...
[haltingly, awkward] ... you know...
[angrily] Pass me your revolver. I have a sudden need to use it.
Damn it, Holmes, you are flesh and blood. You have feelings, you have... you must have... impulses.
[through clenched teeth] Dear Lord, I have never been so impatient to be attacked by a murderous ghost...!
I saw the ghost with my own eyes!
You saw nothing. You saw what you were supposed to see.
You said yourself: I have no imagination.
Then use your brain, such as it is, to eliminate the impossible, which in this case is the ghost, and observe what remains, which in this case is a solution so blindingly obvious even Lestrade could work it out!
[sarcastic] Thank you...!
Cocaine. A seven percent solution. Would you care to try it?
No. But I would quite like to find every ounce of the stuff in your possession and pour it out of the window.
[amused] I should be inclined to stop you.
Then you would be reminded, quite forcibly, which of us is a soldier and which of us a drug addict.
You're not a soldier, you are a doctor.
I'm an army doctor, which means I could break every bone in your body while naming them.
My dear Watson, you are allowing emotion to cloud your judgement.
Never on a case. You promised me, never on a case.
No, I just said that in one of your stories.
[angrily] Listen. I'm happy to play the fool for you. I will run along behind you like some halfwit, making you look clever, if that's what you need, [raising his voice] but DEAR GOD ABOVE, you will hold yourself to a higher standard!
Because people need you to!
What people? Why? Because of your idiot stories?
[matter-of-factly] Yes, because of my "idiot stories".
