She wants to have sex all the time. All right, three times last night and again this morning.
No hemorrhoids or problems with the mucus plug?
What's a mucus plug?
You'd know if you'd had a problem with it.
You know, I never thought I'd be complaining about having this much sex.
Enjoy it while you can. Cami didn't want me to touch her for months after Miles was born.
Oh, that's the thing, she's so fucking nice to me all the time. You know, it's all honey, sweetie. She called me boo this morning. I mean, it's "alien abduction movie" creepy. I don't like it.
It won't last. Once the baby's born, with the sleep deprivation, the postpartum craziness, and Tami being kind of a bitch, it's gonna be a rough ride, my friend.
Is that valves?
Hmm, and rings. Cami's making a list of stuff she thinks you still need to buy before your baby gets here.
Oh, come on, man. Really? Wha- what about all the shit we got at the baby shower? The expensive stuff nobody around here can afford to give at a shower.
It's a fancy breast pump, baby video monitor that connects to your phone, some Scandinavian car seat-stroller combo thing.
I grew up around a ton of kids. I never had any of that shit. You know, Frank wouldn't even buy us diapers half the time. He'd tape garbage bags around us, hose us off in the backyard before bedtime.
Really?
No, but close.
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