Father D'Amico, Kevin and others in “Unfinished Business”

So we have a little sex toy obsession, do we?

Kevin

Obsession?! No, no, I would-- I wouldn't say that at all. It's actually the only sex toy we have, Father.

Well, I'm sure you would both agree that exposing Amy to this kind of depravity is not in her best interest.

Veronica

With all due respect, Father, we're not exposing our daughter to any depravity.

Need I remind you that your daughter brought a massive, veiny, vibrating dildo into preschool? Now, you may be asking yourselves how a pious man like myself could have such carnal knowledge of sexual fetishes and addictions.

Veronica

Yeah, no, we weren't asking that.

Kevin

I'm actually kind of curious, yeah?

Well, prior to serving God, I was in the United States Navy. You have no idea what loneliness is until you're trapped out at sea, away from home for months at a time. I was at a low point in my life as our ship pulled into Subic Bay. Little did I know that my life was about to spiral downward. As we disembarked from our ship, my fellow seamen and I were greeted by the warm smiles of the Subic Bay women. Let me tell you, a hug from a Subic Bay woman can take away all your loneliness, especially from one woman, named Ming-hang. Of course, I had to pay for her companionship, but what's a few pesos when you're treated like a king for an hour? Or in my case, a few hours, which turned into days, which turned into weeks, and then, eventually, my going AWOL, and being served a military warrant for my arrest.