[Greeting woman at dorm door] Hey, I'm here to escort you to a world of pleasure. [Enters room filled with young men] Oh, uh, hey. What's up, fellas? No offense, but the Rapewalker doesn't do gangbangs. I mean, you could be fucking a chick, but if you're getting off surrounded by a bunch of dudes, that's pretty gay.
Thanks, Michelle. You can go now. [She leaves room]
Her leaving did not make this feel less gay. Her leaving did not make this feel less gay.
So you're the Rapewalker. Word's getting around that you're a real... gentleman with the coeds. Walking them home. Making sure they cum before you do.
Well, it's important to treat a girl right.
Well, it's kind of fucking things up for the rest of us! I mean, if you want to treat a girl right, go get a wife!
You're right. But I already have one. [Shows picture of Veronica on phone]
Damn, that's your wife?!
Mm-hmm.
Smoking hot, huh? Wow, dude. Look at that. Fuck. Those tits real? Oh, man.
None of your fucking business.
Why would you leave that?
It's so simple in your 20s because you fall in love, you make bank when your girl posts videos of herself masturbating online. But then one day, you wake up, the bills are piled up, babies crying in your face. Everything's just so fucking hard. And the one thing that was easy, her, it's the hardest of all.
Yeah, but she's really hot. She bad in the sack or something?
She can do more with the flick of her tongue than girls here can do gyrating their entire bodies. [He starts jerking his head back with widening eyes that seems to say; now-you-see-what-a-condescending-schmuck-you-are?] That's what happens when you marry the best. No matter how many girls there are, they're still not V. Hey, thank you, man! This was a great talk!
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