[Lip is in a public washroom stall when two Army MPs approach]
Phillip Gallagher?
Yeah, who's asking?
Fort Dearborn Military Police. Can you step out of the stall please?
You know, I'm gonna be busy for a while, but you can join me if you want to wipe my ass.
[Army MPs grab the washroom stall and force it open and drag out Lip]
Wait, what the fuck, man? Hey, hey!
Sergeant, wait! You're Phillip Gallagher?
Jesus, what the hell's going on? Or do you get off on watching guys taking a dump?
[Holds up card] Is that your social security number?
Blow me. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck.
[Holds up Ian's photo] Do you know this man?
No, I've never seen him before in my life.
Any idea how he got a hold of your name and social security number?
No, but it's pretty scary, you know? I'm feeling pretty fucking violated over here. What's he, uh, what's he wanted for?
For impersonating you, apparently. Also for attempted theft of government property and being away without leave.
Wow, no shit. What did he try and steal?
Helicopter. Surface-to-air missile. Army issue boxer bris.
Sergeant! Mr. Gallagher, we may need you to testify. We'll be in touch.
Well, at ease, gentlemen. I've always wanted to say that.
...
Hey, um, you guys heard anything from Ian?
Not for weeks. And Fiona doesn't even care.
What about the US army. You hear anything from them?
[Flashback of Carl answering Army MPs at the front door]
We're looking for Phillip Gallagher.
He's at college.
...
No. Why the army?
'Cause Ian joined up.
Cool. Is he old enough?
No, he used my name and social when he signed up, and then he tried to steal a helicopter and a bunch of other shit. Went AWOL.
Helicopter? Awesome.
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