When was the last time these things were cleaned?
April. Here you go, Alan. Breakfast of champions. And some OJ if you'd like. Yeah, I wouldn't count on that expiration date, though. Not much use of orange juice in this place.
Really, I'm good. Dad didn't age very well, did he? And he was in his 60s in those pictures. You should've seen him in his 80s.
Whoa. Hey, man's dead. Have some respect.
No, no, it's fine. He and I, I'm sure you know, didn't get along very well. You know, to be honest with you, I didn't even know you existed.
He only mentioned having a daughter.
[Chuckles] That would be me.
When you're ready, we can begin. I have Stanley's will here, which I'd like to read to you. Um, but out of respect, you know, I'll skip some of the colorful language. Oh, no. Please, go ahead, read it. I'm sure we've all heard it before. Uh, I, Stanley Winston Kopchek, being of sound mind and body, leave to my sniveling, faggoty, fag of a fagorama daughter by the name of Alan Willard Kopchek my gun collection, in the hopes that she'll kill herself before she chugs another AIDS cock.
Not sure we all heard that before.
And to the man who I wished had been born my son, Kevin Ball, I leave my beloved Alibi room. What? Oh, my. I knew it would be bad. I didn't know it would be that... Alan, I'm sorry. I had no idea.
I'll contest the will.
Absolutely, you should. He was probably drunk when he wrote it.
Everything was done by the book.
You know what? Never mind. Let Kevin have the bar.
Alan, are you-- are you sure? That doesn't seem fair.
You... oh, come on, do you think the homophobes that come in this place are gonna take to me as the owner? You could always sell it. Okay, tell you what we'll do. Kevin, why don't you send me $500 a month for two years, about what I would've gotten if I had sold this shit hole?
Okay. So I'll-- I'll write up the paperwork. I'll get you both a copy then.
That sounds fair. Alan, thank you. I-I promise, I will uphold Stan's legacy. The good stuff, not all that "faggoty, fag, AIDS cock" stuff.
Do you mind if I take dad?
Of course. [Lawyer hands Alan the cremation urn and Alan throws it on the ground shattering it and whipping up a dusty cloud with all of them coughing]
Thank you.
More from this episode
All quotes from this episode →More Shameless quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's Shameless pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.