[Lip and Karen are smoking in a school washroom with Karen sitting on a window ledge]
Thought you dropped out.
Uh, made a deal with Fiona. She'll blow her end, and I'll be back home chilling in a week.
I'm gonna give the baby up for adoption. Sometimes I wonder if getting high makes it easier for me to keep up with you or more difficult. I thought I was in love with Jody; I'm not. I thought it would be cool to have a baby and love it, but no, I suck at it. I thought about aborting it, but I'm this far along, and even though I don't want it, other people probably do. So I figure why not suck it up a few more months, vag it out and sell it?
"Vag it out"?
Well, the truth hurts, but it's still the truth.
Well, you know, if you are gonna let the baby live, maybe you should stop smoking weed.
Weren't Monica and Frank on acid the whole time you were in vitro?
Uh, shrooms, mostly.
Well, you want to go to some adoption agencies with me later? I need someone to play the dad, sign the paperwork. You could help me pick out a good buyer.
[Mr. Healey shows up] Oh! Mr. Healey, how goes it?
[Slides off window ledge] Later. [She leaves]
For goodness sake. [Takes cigarette out of Lip's mouth and soaks it in a sink] What the hell is this schedule you signed up for? Woodworking? Auto Repair? Welding?
Hey, I'm just trying to learn the skills that can make me a productive member of the working class, Mr. H. You as my guidance counselor should appreciate that.
You have any idea what it's like to be a guidance counselor in this shit hole? I get one National Merit Scholar every nine years. So there's not a chance that you're not going to live up to your goddamn potential.
Feeling very "O Captain! My Captain!" are we?
I had a teacher who took a special interest in me when I was about your age.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. He use a condom or...?
It was a woman, smart-ass. And she showed me the way out, changed my life.
Yet you still ended up in this job?
I had 22 years in the Coast Guard before I got here. And I retired a lieutenant commander.
Wow.
So you're gonna take Physics, Probability and Statistics, Advanced Chemistry. And you're gonna take the ACT, and you're gonna get into either Yale or Harvard or MIT on a full academic ride. Give me your hand.
At what point in your career did you realize that your name, Dick, had become a euphemism for cock?
Watch your mouth. The ice you're standing on is cracking all around you, Phillip. And I won't stand around and watch you drown. [School bell rings] Get to class.
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