Sex and the City · Season 1
They're starting to die on us.
Oh, my God.
Well, at least you weren't stood up.
35 and they're dying! We should just give up now.
Well, on the bright side, this could explain why they don't call back.
How did he...
Heart attack. At the gym.
See? This is why I don't work out.
We've been trying, you know, to...
Fuck?
Whatever. And it's just not...
Getting big and hard?
What is this, dirty Mad Libs?
This is insane! I'm married, I can't be looking at gardeners!
Honey, what's the point of being in the suburbs if you're not gonna fuck a gardener?
I came here today because I needed to say how sorry I am. I am deeply sorry for what I did to you. It was wrong, and I'm sorry.
Are you through?
Yes. Thank you for listening.
Wait. I'm sorry, too.
You are?
Yes. I'm sorry about it all. I'm sorry he moved to Paris and fell in love with me. I'm sorry that we ever got married. I'm sorry he cheated on me with you, and I'm sorry that I pretended to ignore it for as long as I did. I'm sorry I found you in my apartment, fell down the stairs and broke my tooth. I'm very sorry that after much painful dental surgery, this tooth is still a different color than this tooth. Finally, I'm sorry that you felt the need to come down here. Now, not only have you ruined my marriage, you've ruined my lunch.
It's infuriating! Women sit around obsessing about what went wrong over and over, and men just say "all righty" and then move on.
I take offense at that generalization. Not all women sit around and obsess about men. As soon as my relationships are over, I move on.
Relationships?
You know, dates.
[at a barbecue] Who wants a wiener?
Girl, I'm trying to get rid of one!
Oh, what a beautiful wedding ring! Where's your husband?
Oh, um, he's not here. We're actually taking some time apart. We're separated—not legally separated, nothing legal. Oh, God, no! We're just taking some time to figure things out. We got married really fast—love at first sight, didn't think it through. So, now we're talking and trying to figure out what he—actually, we, he and I—really want. We love each other so much, but that doesn't always mean a marriage is working, does it? No, it does not. We had some problems, in the bedroom. But it was more about the fact that we got married so fast. So, now we're just talking and trying to figure things out—just talking, nothing physical. I think it's better if we just talk. So, we are talking until we figure it all out. So, no, he's not here.
Oh, okay. I have to... [to friend] Don't talk to her.
Samantha, your face is glowing. Did you get a facial or something?
I masturbated all afternoon.
All right, then.
Seriously? All afternoon?
Well, two, two and a half hours.
Who's got that kind of time? I like to get in and get out.
Well, I enjoy a quickie every now and then too, but when it's good like today, I go with it. I masturbated to my priest.
Your priest?
Friar Fuck.
Okay, I think we might have to get Charlotte a crash helmet.
You have a priest?!
No, no, no, no. She wants him, but she can't have him. It's all very Thorn Birds.
In my fantasy he tears the food I'm carrying for the homeless out of my arms, rips open my dress, lays me down in the street and enters me.
What do you do for the next two hours and 20 minutes?
Stop! You're talking about a priest!
It's a fantasy! I can masturbate to whomever I like. It's imagination. It's fun and perfectly healthy.
[about her nude photographs] This is not about a man's approval. This photo is just for me. So when I'm old and my tits are in my shoes, I can look at it and say, "Damn, I was hot."
Isn't that a little narcissistic?
No one thinks it's narcissistic when you get your seventh-grade picture taken.
You weren't naked in that.
That we know of.
When I first moved to New York and I was totally broke, sometimes I would buy Vogue instead of dinner. I just felt it fed me more.
We're supposed to be getting to know each other again, not... not...
Fucking against a hand dryer?
It's so confusing. Are we dating or are we back together? Is he my boyfriend or my lover? Or my ex-husband whom I have sex with occasionally in coatrooms?
And bathrooms.
I'm going with "d) all of the above".
Oh, who cares what you are? Just enjoy it.
No, I need to know where we're going.
Yes, we'd like to know where you're going as well, since evidently you'll be having sex there.
Right in the middle of the movie, I gave him a blow job. In the theater.
Crouching Charlotte, Hidden Hummer.
And you know, you guys were right. Once I stopped defining everything, I realized how great Trey and I have it.
Congratulations, sweetie. It sounds like you got a nice, healthy relationship.
[voiceover] Charlotte realized if Samantha defined her relationship as healthy, she had one sick relationship on her hands.
[on the phone] You just caught us a little off guard with the lesbian thing.
That's just a label, like Gucci or Versace.
Or Birkenstock.
This is not about being gay or straight. Maria is an incredible woman. She's got passion, and talent, intelligence...
A vagina.
Oh, vagina schmagina!
"Schmagina"? Is that what the lesbians are calling it?
Trey! I'm tired of being married to your penis! I'm a person! And this is supposed to be a relationship! And I am done walking on eggshells! "Ooh, don't talk about moving in in front of the penis 'cause it might go soft." And "The penis likes this", and "The penis doesn't like that", and "The penis wants to be measured"!
[about her relationship with Maria] All we ever do is lie around, take baths together and talk about feelings.
I think they call that a relationship.
I don't know how you people do it. All that emotional chow-chow, it's exhausting.
I know, don't you just hate that?
Women.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Sex and the City pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
