Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but... I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every of life, be it something to wear, something to eat... It's all been wrong.
Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.
Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of tuna on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted ... with a side of potato salad ... and a cup of tea!
Well, there's no telling what can happen from this.
You know chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna, salmon is the opposite of tuna, because salmon swim against the current, and the tuna swim with it.
[sarcastically] Good for the tuna.
[a blonde looks at George] Ah, George, you know, that woman just looked at you.
So what? What am I supposed to do?
Go talk to her.
Elaine, bald men, with no jobs, and no money, who live with their parents, don't approach strange women.
Well, here's your chance to try the opposite. Instead of tuna salad and being intimidated by women, chicken salad and going right up to them.
Yeah, I should do the opposite, I should.
If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.
Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something! [He goes over to the woman] Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice that you were looking in my direction.
Oh, yes I was. You just ordered the exact same lunch as me.
[Takes a deep breath] My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.
[smiles] I'm Victoria. Hi.
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