Hester, I owe you an apology. Yes, I did push you down the stairs in an attempt to murder you and your fake unborn baby. And while my motivations were airtight and my conscience clear, still, I'm sorry. You, Chanel #6, are my sister, and that bond is stronger than some silly little attempt on your life.
Thank you.
And furthermore, I'm sorry that you had to sit through the most mean-spirited game of Pictionary in the history of Pictionary! I mean, no one deserves to be spoken to like that, particularly not by what is, without a doubt, the most awful family in America! Chad, your leathery excuse for a mother looks like an ostrich-hide clutch from last season that somehow learned to talk. And, Mr. Radwell, I have never seen anyone spend so much money to make a house look this tacky! I've honestly seen more tasteful decor at a Sizzler. And you, Thad, have a bright future ahead of you in the sex offender wing of a supermax prison! [to Brad] And you, sir, give the kind, hard-working, deeply moral people who work in such a wonderful industry as Hollywood a bad name! And, Chad Radwell, whatever we had between us is over! I am walking out that door and never speaking to you again.
You know you say that a lot, right?
Well, consider this coming to my senses, because no woman in her right mind would want anything to do with this family! So goodbye, Chad. Goodbye forever.
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