It astounds me that I have to remind you all that I had a medical degree from Harvard before most people had their drivers licenses.
Oh, really? You went to Harvard? You hardly ever mention it.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
You recognize that gun? The motion sensor is calibrated to not shoot anything before the door. But it will take out anything that moves on the other side of it.
Unfortunately, that's the side you're on.
I improved your gun. You so much as move a trigger finger, you're dead.
...
Now, I put a 24-hour battery on the motion sensor, so for your sake, I hope that you and your men are disciplined.
Now remember: Your nose does not itch.
Toby!
Coming.
I'm pretty sure I just committed at least three felonies. I've seen Shawshank; I know what they do to guys like me in the big house.
D-Block Prom Queen.
There are only four subjects worth studying: science & math, and math & science.
We have to prevent these guys from transmitting any communications from this ranch....We can't let 'em know we muzzled 'em.
They won't. They'll think their messages are being received because Sylvester will respond, posing as their associates.
Remember back at the garage when I said I was uncomfortable with deception?
Uh huh.
Uh huh.
Mm hmm.
Still uncomfortable.
Not sure where we are, but I know it's nowhere near the reptile sanctuary.
Now what, hitchhike?
I'm not showing leg!
No, there's no time to hitchhike. [pause] Happy, I hear a truck. Quick! Punch me in the nose.
Finally.
[groans] Good job.
You kept [the ferret]?
It saved my life. Least I could do was save it from becoming a snake's lunch. Toby named it Ferret Bueller. I don't understand the reference.
I've been collecting data on your shifting behavior patterns the past few months, and the result is an ironclad theorem that proves you have feelings for Paige.
[laughs] That's preposterous.
Said the climate-change denier in the face of scientific evidence. While you're at it, how about you get no vaccines today? You wanna take this for a spin? Remember the reservation you made for a Valentine's Day "work dinner"?
We never ended up having a meal.
OK, how about the new lavender diffuser in your office?
That is to mask the smell of experiment-generated mouse urine.
That's disgusting. But also a lie. Pagie loves lavender; that handcream of hers is always stinkin' up the van. Finally: Coffee arabica....You put cinnamon in our pot here.
It has anti-oxidants and improves brain function.
Cinnamon's for elves.
...
And how old are you?
Thirteen months older than you, so show your elders respect.
If you had been holding onto the sat phone instead of me, we wouldn't be in this mess right now.
I was protecting you, it was instinctive.
It was stupid. You were an unbuckled 150-pound projectile.
154. I've been working out.
Happy, I'm not gonna apologize for what I did earlier because I wanted to protect you. By now, I figured you'd know why. But in case you don't know, I want my last words to have some meaning. So Happy Quinn, I am in lov--
Toby is doused in fire extinguisher foam.
Perfect timing.
Probability theory dictates that one cannot predict the future with any absolute certainty. But this is an exception. There is zero chance that she will accept your apology.
I'm not gonna apologize. I'm gonna grovel.
Understood, but still, there's a high likelihood that she will throw something at you.
I don't have any feelings and even I'm uncomfortable watching this.
Well, you know what they say. Good, fast, polite--pick two.
Alright kids, if you need to hit the head, now's the time, because we're not stopping once we hit the road.
You know you're not our dad, right?
Stop acting like kids, I'll stop acting like your dad.
You are not Normal. Who besides these guys computes tire tread on wheels they've seen for a split second?
And you knew to the inch where the supplies would be for my urinal-cake cannon.
Your what now?
You corrected me on the number of bullets fired by Hector and Jorge, and no one corrects me when it comes to math. But you were right.
MHMaya Hernandez
I'm good with numbers.
When you watch a pinwheel, can you replay it in your mind in slow motion to count the revolutions?
MHMaya Hernandez
Only when I'm bored.
Yeah, you're a genius. I'm guessing 1-6-4 with a specialty in visual inferential mathematics. You can record and compute what you see.
Now, that explains the low EQ.
MHMaya Hernandez
What the hell is a low EQ?!
That.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Scorpion pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.