RHRadio Host
For $108.3, which month has 28 days?
All of them.
RCRadio Contestant
I actually know this one--February?
RHRadio Host
We have a winner!
Idiots.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Screw this up, brains and guts are gonna ignite all over town!
Actually, fuel tanks ignite on impact. You won't find a body part.
Mmm, blood-soaked spleen could burn at a slower rate.
Hey! Please check your language around my 9-year-old.
Mr. Brooks, I am hacking into airport security. I'm gonna rotate the cameras to point at the monitors. I'll see it remotely and I will walk you through each step.
BMr. Brooks
Who am I on with here? I am not comfortable with you hacking into anything at this airport.
Then don't make it so easy.
In situations like this, carelessnes, mistakes--they will haunt you. I know this from experience.
Walter, I'm always on point. Have you seen my hat?
Who the hell are you to tell me that my polish looks cheap? That hurts my feelings. Do you understand?
Yeah, I recognize that. I've been told things like that a lot.
And my polish streaks because Ralph does it. He loves to paint. And don't tell me that he needs help, either. He's challenged. Have some empathy.
Challenged, huh? Look at Sylvester and him. Do you know what they're doing? The matches are the king, jelly's the queen, the sugar packets are the knights. He's playing chess. With a grandmaster. Who's about to lose.
Walter, do you see this? Checkmate in 8 moves! This kid is amazing.
He doesn't like to paint your nails. He does it because he wants to hold your hand, but he can't process physical contact. So help him, or he will never connect with you. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your son is a genius.
He doesn't even know we're here. He's wondering if those flashlights could be powered by the heat of a hand that holds them. Or he's calculating the cubic footage of the octagon clock. He thinks about anything. Everything.
...
Few parents meaningfully engage with mentally enabled children. It's not your fault. It's just how we are.
You're the world's smartest computer guy and this comes down to plugging something in?
Do you ever pause your dreams, Ralph?
Yeah.
Ever rewind them?
Sometimes.
Yeah, me too.
Hey, seriously, what's wrong?
I'm fine... So is Ralph, by the way. He hacked the thermometer, recallibrated the digital display.
He did what?!
He hates school.
Tools don't let you down. Only people do.
Spending your life scared to connect to anyone isn't any way to live.
Analyzing surveillance camera footage.
We're gonna get a little un-PC up in here. Traditional bomber profile means we lose Asians and Latinos. Cut anyone over 60 and under 12.
FFederal Agent
That's not how this software's meant to operate.
Explosives are traditionally a boys' club so let's lose the women. And anyone not wearing a hat or sunglasses. Alright! Now, who's ready for a little hustle and flow?
What's that?
Flow dynamics. Study of herd think, actions and reactions. When one gazelle's ears perk up, so do all the others', and they all run from the cheetah with the same urgency. Ah! [points to screen] That guy in the hat and sunglasses. White male, 30s: fits domestic-terrorist MO. See, he's calm 'cause he knows no other bombs are gonna go off.
Any dreams you have of [Ralph] making a team or being in student council, it's just, uh, not gonna happen.
I thought you told me he'd eventually fit in.
He will. Just not in school.
MWMaintenance Worker
Exactly what are you looking for?
If we explained it to you, your mind would melt into your socks.
It's official government business, just give us some room.
[Maintenance worker leaves.]
Normals, huh? [looks at Paige] No offense.
None taken.
JJudge
Mr. O'Brien, I understand you waived your public defender.
Correct, yes, I don't need one since this court can't provide me with a fair trial. You see, it's my constitutional right to a jury of my peers, which means you'd have to find 12 residents of Clark County, Nevada, with an IQ of 197 or above. And I've spent some time in Clark County. I can tell you, that's not gonna happen.
Not good.
There's no option but to release me.
JJudge
Bail is set at $500,000.
Ralph, have a good day at school, and don't listen to any of your teachers.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Scorpion pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.