Amanda quotes from Scarecrow and Mrs. King

Amanda

Why would anybody try to dirty up my records?

Francine

Because you're perfect Amanda, the textbook tells us that in situations like this it’s always someone obscure.

Amanda

Someone obscure?

Francine

Yes Amanda and that’s you, dealing with unimportant information, always there but not really doing very much, pleasant, unassuming, easy to overlook, loyal, faithful.

Amanda

Like your dog... if you had one.

Lee

Amanda, come on she didn’t mean it that way.

Francine

No, no what I meant was she’s just one of those little people that one hardly ever notices, you know, like waiters or servants.

Billy

Francine, if you're through making her into a piece of the office furniture, may we please get back to the business at hand?

Lee

(undercover as a pest controller) Are you the lady who called about the ants?

Amanda

Ants?

Ants?

Amanda

Lee, I’m being judged.

Lee

For what?

Did you say ants?

Lee

Yes maam, you got em, we get em, they’re usually in the kitchen, it’s those crumbs, vacuuming helps, have you got a vacuum?

Francine

Yes of course I’ve got a vacuum, what I don’t have is antsǃ

Lee

I’m really very sorry Amanda, I know I’m not being very much fun tonight.

Amanda

Oh that’s alright Lee, we never have much fun.

Francine

You know what that slave driver Mrs Flannigan wants me to do later on?

Amanda

No.

Francine

Clean the kitchen.

Amanda

No problem.

Francine

Oh no problem that’s easy for you to say. Amanda I am an expert in hand to hand combat, small arms weaponry, wealthy men between thirty and forty, but definitely not a kitchen person.

Amanda

How did you know it was me?

Lee

Who else do I know whose last words would be ‘oh my gosh’?

Amanda

Drop it or I’ll splatter you all over the stage.

You irritate me Mrs King perhaps you should die first.

Amanda

Dog meatǃ

Lee

It’s alright partner, you won’t be needing that anymore.

Amanda

Good work Scarecrow, Bill will be pleased lets get this dirtbag down to the station.

Lee

Yes Ma'am.

Lee

It was just a tiny computer error that’s all it was, now it could have been worse, the obituary could have been for real.

Amanda

Yeah well look as far as all my friends are concerned it is real, do you know how many people called my Mother this morning and sent flowers?

Lee

Well at least you know you were well liked.

Amanda

I knew I was well liked before this happened.

Amanda

Sir, am I back among the living

Francine

Define living

Billy

Amanda, were you killed?

Amanda

Oh no Sir.

Billy

Good work.

Dotty

Amanda I have to tell you something, I never liked the idea of you working for IFF, I mean they should have moved you up, given you something challenging to do, I think you're gonna find this new job much more exciting.

Amanda

Oh I hope not.

Amanda

I was arrested.

Dotty

Arrested, what on earth for?

Amanda

Murder.

Dotty

Oh don’t be ridiculousǃ

Amanda

Mother, they found my fingerprints on the murder weapon.

Dotty

How?

Amanda

I was at his house.

Dotty

Whose house?

Amanda

My boss.

Dotty

You mean your boss was murdered your first day on the job?

Amanda

Yes Mother, I feel terrible about it.

Dotty

Amanda, they could blame youǃ

Amanda

Mother they do blame me that’s why I was in jail.

Lee

Amanda, is that house at the end of your street still up for rent?

Amanda

You mean the Cooperman house? I think so why?

Lee

Well I know someone who wants to rent it for awhile.

Amanda

Who?

Lee

Me, I want to get closer to someone who lives there.

Amanda

Oh, we could go to dinner you don’t have to move in down the street.

Lee

Aaaahhh!

Amanda

Hi.

Lee

Amanda, what the...? You just about scared the hell out of me.

Amanda

Oh, I’m sorry. Now you know what it feels like.