Maria DeLuca quotes from Roswell

Max

I can't help it. I love her. What can I say?

Maria

You're hopeless.

Michael

That's the shirt I lost at work. What the hell is this?

Maria

It's Graceland...and you're Elvis.

Maria

So how does electricity work?

Kyle

Why are you lookin' at me? We were both in the same remedial science class for 3 years.

Maria

It's a $100 tip!

Honestly? It's Ben Franklin. I can't stand the man.

Maria

Okay, okay, you’re a Max-aholic. I’m here for you. What can I do?

Liz

Get me a life.

Maria

Look, you wanna know why you look like Grandpa 1935? She has the key. So, you have two choices, all right? You can let her in on the whole alien conspiracy thing and hope that it shakes something loose from the dusty corners of her brain, or you can... No. You know what? That's not gonna work, so look... You have that one option, all right?

Michael

No, no, no. What's my second option?

Maria

You're not capable of it, I promise.

Michael

Just say it.

Maria

Form an emotional bond with Laurie. (Michael shakes his head) All right, fine. You don't like that answer, then go show her the secret alien handshake.

Michael

(sighs) Okay, fine. What kind of psychobabble, Oprah crap do I gotta tell her?

Maria

I can't put the words in your mouth, Michael. It's gotta come from you. It's gotta come from your-- it's gotta come from whatever organ you have sitting in for your heart. Just go over there and tell her in your own words that she can trust you, and make sure that she feels that you're being completely, emotionally honest.

Michael, I want you to listen to me very, very carefully. On this glorious, rebellious, lost weekend of yours, you will take care of my daughter. You will protect her and be kind to her, and she will have fun. You will not get matching tattoos, and you will not allow her to pierce any part of her body that cannot be shown in polite company. [Sniffles] And, Michael, if you have sex with my daughter, I will hunt you down and kill you like the mangy dog you are. Okay?

Michael

Okay.

Call me if you need bail money.

Maria

What'd she say?

Michael

[Sighs] She wants you to have fun.

Michael

If it was me, I’d tell us to get screwed and call the cops anyways.

Maria

That’s 'cause you don’t have any money Michael. People who do tend to get a little nervous when it’s threatened.

Michael

Just kill me now. I don't do proms. I don't believe in them.

Maria

You don't believe in them?!

Michael

The whole thing is totally bogus. It's completely unnatural.

Maria

You know what? I, I find it to be really unnatural that you're half alien warrior and half Grandpa Dupree! But I make do.

Maria

I can't count on you.

Michael

Yes, you can. I'll take care of this. I mean, I'm right here for you.

Maria

But you won't always be.

Michael

What?

Maria

One day you're gonna leave me. You're gonna get on a spaceship and go away, and you being the perfect boyfriend right now is really not helping me. I can't lose anyone else, Michael. My heart can't handle it.

Michael

There's a lot about you, Maria. There's a lot about you, but I think what means the most to me is that you're open. You know I can look into your eyes and I can see you. I can see what you're thinking. I can see what you're feeling. How much I mean to you sometimes, how much I piss you off sometimes. But I can always see you.

Maria

I see you, too.

Michael

No, no you don't see me. You know when Max and Liz would kiss, and Liz would get the flashes? And when we would kiss, you didn't. I know how much that hurt you.

Maria

That doesn't matter to me any more, Michael.

Michael

The reason you didn't get the flashes is because I didn't let you get them. I didn't let you see me. I've never let anyone see me before... because there are things inside of me that I don't want people to see. There's things inside of me that I'm not so proud of. But I've thought about it, and I want you to see me.

Maria

So, wait a minute. My New Year's eve isn't being ruined by some life-threatening, hot flash alien disease. It's because Michael's drunk?

Max

I think the alcohol affected his senses. Some sort of sensory overload. Everything's too bright, too loud.

Maria

Shh. Shh. Shh. Look, his senses are super, super heightened. So if the lights are too bright, or if he hears anything really loud, it really, really hurts.

Michael

Like your whispering is doing right now.

Maria

You're being way too self-sacrificing.

I want you to have a night off from all this alien crap.

Michael

Let me get this straight: you dumped me so you can go live your dream, and now you're telling me you're dropping that too?

Maria

I'm sorry, I just really need some advice right now.

Michael

It's like you said we're not linked anymore. I could invite you inside, tell you to stay in Roswell, because that's what I want, but you know what? I'm not going to be the guy you blame for ruining your life.