TV QuotesDatabase
S1 E15

Roseanne · Season 1, Episode 15

Dan and Roseanne in “Unfinished Business”

Just keep your nose out of my work. It's none of your business, Roseanne. I managed to get along just fine without any of your help.

"Without any of my help"? What the hell do you think I was doing all those years at Wellman's, and Rodbell's, and the beauty parlor, and the diner? Do you think I was just earning enough money to go out and buy new hats? If it wasn't for me, the bank would've came and took this house a long time ago, Dan!

Hey! I always pulled in more money than you brought in!

Oh yeah? Well, what about that year when your bike shop went broke? (Dan ignores that retort and continues making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.) Oh yeah! Do it, Dan! You're gonna show me, aren't you? Oh, spread it on! Nothing in moderation, right?

Oh, you got it, baby!

Oh yeah, not for the indestructible Dan Connor! Drinker, biker, party boy right from the sixties! "If it feels good, do it", or in your case "If it tastes good, eat it".

Watch it, Roseanne.

You know what you are, Dan? You are a big, fat guy with absolutely no self-control! You're Jerry Garcia without the music.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Let's back up here! You're calling ME fat?

Yeah, I'm calling you fat.

Well, if that ain't THE BIG FAT POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK!

You better not be calling me fat!

Well, that's what i'm doing. Fat fat

fat fat fat fat fat

fat fat fat fat fat

Fine, if you don't want the food I make, Dan, Then [shoves the food off the kitchen table] we'll just get rid of it. Okay? And you know what? We don't need any more of this health food Either [shoves the food off the kitchen shelf] so that goes too.

More from this episode

All quotes from this episode →

More Roseanne quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's Roseanne pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.