Announcer, Michael Thompson and others in “Unfinished Business”

It's the Opposite News with Michael Thompson!

Hey, everybody, it's me, Michael Thompson. Today the Pope didn't get killed. He's perfectly fine, and he's on vacation in Aruba. In other opposite news...

Hey, Rick, what's the deal with this guy? W-Why is his body, like, sloping off to the right side of the screen like that?

I don't know, Morty. Let's see what else is on, huh? [changes channel]

Hey, welcome to Cooking Things. I'm Pichael Thompson.

Hey, wait a minute, Rick! This guy's body is, like, sloping down and leaning off to screen left!

Oh my God, and his name's Pichael!

I'm cooking a little bit of this, I'm gonna cook a little bit of that. Oh-ho-ho, hey! [drags conjoined Michael] Stop tugging, Michael!

Oh my God! Siamese twins! They're-they're Siamese twins!

You quit tugging! I-I'm in the middle of my news!

Oh, oh, it's always about you, isn't it? Can you believe this guy, ladies and gentlemen? He's got his own news show, he's got a normal name!

Hey, flip back to the news!

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You could tell our parents started with naming with him. [the news camera backs away, showing them in Pichael's side] It's like, "Oh, Michael." I ha— They had that one planned before they even got pregnant, I bet.

Summer

I don't wanna be that girl, but maybe there would be less conflict if they didn't shoot their shows at the same time?

Oh, Summer, you have no idea how much money that must save production.

And then they found out I was attached along for the ride and they said, "Ah, shit. Well, just fuck it, call him Pichael."

[throws papers at Pichael's face] Fuck you, Pichael! You're a fucking piece of shit!