Ren quotes from Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon"

Ren

We made it, Stimpy! No more eating filthy socks out of garbage cans! No more destitute living! We've arrived! We're gonna be wheels! We'll be running the firehouse! Living high on the hog!

Ren

And all because the chief loves us!

Ren

Stimpy, there are millions of people watching you! Be decent!

Ren

Eek! This is a family network!

Ren

Make way for new life!

Ren

What a dump! I'm sorry Stimpy, but I'm just too damn tired tonight. I just gotta get some sleep. Bugger off okay?

But, Ren.

Ren

What is it now, Stimpy?

I have needs.

Ren

Oh, I don't give a rat's ass about your needs. [gets an idea] Oh, Stimpy! Close your eyes and pucker up.

Joy!

Ren

Oh, what I'm going to do to Stimpy. Oh yes, it's so good, look. Look, a rat's ass. Here it is!

Ren

What did I just tell you?! Who's the pitcher, who's the catcher?!

You're the pitcher, I'm the catcher! You're the pitcher, I'm the catcher! See? [points to a chalkboard indicating said terms]

Ren

What do you think is the difference between boogers and goobers, Stimpinton?

A stooge question, Renwick. Why don't we ask the greatest genius in the world.

Ren

Who's that?

Dr. Stupid. Who else?

Today's question is, what is the difference between boogers and goobers? Actually, the difference is merely superficial. These are just two different words that both represent wet things. More specifically, wet things that come from inside your head.

Thank you, Dr. Stupid.

Ren

[chuckles] Wet things that come from your... "HOELS". ["holes"]

Don’t put those horrible chemicals in your hair, Ren.

Ren

Why?

[Digs for something from under the tub. It’s revealed to be “Farmer Hanky”] Here! [Closeup of the can] Use all natural Farmer Hanky’s shampoo.

Ren

I’d like to try it.

Ren

How many partners are there that are best friends, too? Right, partner?

[yelling] Screw you, Charlie! Screw you, Lucy! [sadly] Do you love me, Tommy? Tommy, do you love me?

He loves you. Tommy loves you, Chief.

SHUT UP! I wanna hear it from Tommy's lips.

Ren

I... love... you...

Good!

Yikes! Hey, fellas, get rid of this thing! My date's gonna be here any minute!

Yes, sir! I'm on that.

Cripes, she's here!

Get rid of it quick, Eddie! You don't want to make me look bad in front of my date, do ya?!

Kill it! She's gettin' outta the elevator! Take care of it, Eddie, hurry up!

She's here! She's at the door! FLUSH IT, FLUSH IT! FLUSH IT, YOU IDIOT!

I can't! It doesn't wanna go!

Smash it down, asshole!

DO SOMETHING, DO SOMETHING, DO SOMETHING!!! SMASH IT! KILL IT! KILL IT!

Get rid of it now, or I'll cut you down to 10 percent!

5 PERCENT!

2 PERCENT!!!

Ren

[screams at Stimpy] Do something, you eediot, or we'll lose everything!

Ren

Stimpy, how big is that thing?!

It's bigger than a baby, Ren!

Atta boy, Tommy, go! Not the front door, you idiot! Use the fire escape! Go, go, go, go, go!

I'm not afraid of anything living. But when it comes to spooks, them spooks give me the heebie-jeebies!

Ren

Stimpy!

[Takes a step forward, holding the cross up forward] You can’t hurt me!

Ren

Oh, Stimpy!

[Takes another step forward] I’m not afraid of you! [Swipes his cross] Get ‘em, Jesus!

Ren

What the hell are you doing up there?!

Away-ko! Away-ka-bo!

Ren

Stimpy, if you don’t get over here this instant…!

Go away, spooks! [Swipes his cross]

Ren

I’m gonna make you wish you were dead! [Stimpy gasps again as we cut back to Ren looking through the pipe]

Ren

You eediot! You woke me up in the middle of a perfect dream!

Don't you lay a hand on me. Not in my condition.

Ren

Condition? What condition?

I've been trying to figure out how to tell you!

Ren

Tell me what?! Spit it out, man!

I'm gonna have your... BABY!!!

Ren

WHAAAAAT?! I'll take care of that!

[screams] Don't you DARE put that nasty instrument in me!

Ren

You said you used protection!

I thought I was barren! You must have powerful seed! [crying] FORGIVE ME, REN!

Ren

Get away from me! Sorceress! [turns away from Stimpy] Crap! Crap! Crap! We haven't had a job... in six years! What are we going to raise him on? KITTY LITTER?!

Calm down, Ren.

Ren

Calm down?! CALM DOWN?! YOU ASK ME TO CALM DOWN?! You're the one that's p-p-p... POISONED!

Poisoned? Is that what you call it? That poison is our lovechild. Just think, Ren. It could be a little you running around here.

ААААААААААААААНННННН!!! (Cries. The screen zooms out to reveal Ren, watching him. Stimpy then looks over to him and points at him) You MONSTER! How can you say... those horrible things... to MEEEEEEEEEEEEAEAEAEAEAEA?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! (He cries again. He starts pounding his fists on the bed while Ren looks at the camera. Ren turns into a first class heel)' "You son of a bitch...!" (Ren tries to console him)

Ren

I'm sorry, Stimpy. I don't know why I do these things to you. I'm just a pig!

[crying] Oh, you bastard!

Ren

Please forgive me!

Don't you touch me, you BEAST! (He crouches down) "Forgive me"...those empty words! That's all they are! No...not THIS time. You've gone TOO FAR this time, Ren! АААААААААННН!!! (He cries even more) YEAH-UH-UH-UH-UH-UH!!!!

Ren

I know I'm insane, Stimpy. I know I can't control my vile urges! But this time, I'll do something about it! I'll seek help. (He looks over to Stimpy, who cried so much now that the floor is flooded) I'll do it for you!

Don't do it for me...DON'T DO IT FOR ME...Do it...for YOURSELF! (Breathes heavily) АААААААААНН!!! (He sobs as Ren sadly walks away) I'm gonna kill you... (Ren walks to the door and looks one last time before opening the door, which releases all the water out. still crying as he exits) ААААААААННН!!! (Cut to Ren outside the house, slowly walking away from it. He tears up as he hears scream one last time) АААААААААННН!! (The roof of the house gets shot up and a few windows break as he screams, and he resumes crying. Ren covers his ears from the noise and then gets even more teary-eyed. He slowly begins walking away as we see him walk past some cows, a few streets, and a street with a bunch of rubberhose-styled characters in the background. We fade to him walking from a different angle as it appears to be sunset, and then fade again to him walking through an alleyway. We fade again to a pan down of the alleyway as we see Ren walk towards the screen, kicking a can while doing so. It then fades to him walking towards the help center. He looks up and then resumes walking. He opens the door and enters inside. We fade to him going up an elevator, as he opens the door and continues walking. As he walks, we see a sign that says stuff like “YAK’S HEAD IMPORTS” and “HELP”. We then cut to Ren at the door, which says “Dr. Mr. Horse Professional” on it. He opens the door, and we see Mr. Horse at his desk, smoking a pipe. Ren walks towards his desk, as Mr. Horse looks down at him.]

Ren

I'm a terrible person, doc. I'm mean to everybody and I'm especially mean to those who love me the most. I've got issues! But I'm not crazy or anything!

Of course not, Mr. Hoek. Let's just calm down. It's perfectly normal to be nervous talking to a professional. Now relax and we'll see just how sick you really are, shall we?

Ren

Okay.

Son, did you mangle this poor frog?

Ren

No.

Look at me when I'm talking to you!