Rimmer, make this quick.
Sir, I wish to place on record that third technician Lister, David-
Quicker than that, Rimmer.
-smuggled aboard the mining vessel Red Dwarf a consignment of a hallucinogenic fungi Titan Mushrooms, more popularly known to the Space Beatnik community as "Freaky Fungus".
Is this true?
Erm, sort of.
On the morning of February the 26th, at 0800 hrs, did engage in conversation with second technician Rimmer, Arnold J...
For crying out loud, Rimmer!
- the outcome of which was a proposal by the aforementioned Lister to the aforementioned Rimmer to cook him breakfast.
Okay, I'm getting the picture.
Breakfast comprised of two eggs, three rashers of bacon, a grilled tomato, two sausages, a small portion of fried potatoes... and a large quantity of mushrooms. Having consumed this repast, second technician Rimmer, Arnold J. experienced what can only be described as a "voyage to trip-out city". To wit, a major hallucinogenic fit.
Lister, is this true?
No, sir. I'm sure it was only one egg.
The aforementioned Rimmer, to wit, me, then attended inspection parade. He was totally naked except for a pair of mock-leather driving gloves and some blue swimming goggles. Under the influence of this psychedelic breakfast he went on to attack two senior officers, believing them to be giraffes who were armed and dangerous.
You'd better have a good reason for this, Lister.
I have, sir.
Why'd you do it?
I thought it'd be a laugh.
Right. Two weeks PD, Lister. Dismissed.
With respect, sir, the penalty for a crime of this nature is fifteen years imprisonment.
Thanks a lot(!)
Rimmer, I said dismissed.
Two weeks?
That's enough.
Two smegging weeks?
I said, that’s enough!
[salutes] With respect, sir, you've got your head right up your big fat arse!
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