“Sexual Peeling” · Season 1, Episode 2
In this episode: Daniel Holden (5), Tawney Talbot (3)
The place where I was had no windows, just these thick walls surrounded by more thick walls. So I never knew if it was raining or even heard the loudest thunder.
That's so sad.
It's not as bad as it sounds because I didn't sense things in a normal way, I didn't miss them. If I couldn't sense them, they weren't real to me.
What was real to you, Daniel?
The time in between the seconds. And my books. And my friend.
Now that I'm here in this world where everything's marked by hours or dates or events, I find myself in a state of constant anticipation. What it is I'm anticipating, I'm not always sure, nor is it necessarily a pleasant feeling. But in the case of the inevitable rain and thunder which I am sure to experience, thanks to you Tawney, I am very much looking forward to that.
It will be glorious, Daniel. You won't be disappointed.
Word gets back before you do. Decent guys on the row won't look at you now, they're too embarrassed for you. Then there are the ones who when you pass by their cells they look at you with the basest form of curiosity, Ted, like you are some freak show and they want to get all their money's worth because more than anything, they're aroused by another's shame. You know? And there is a very special group on the row, who look at you with this look like... how can I describe it for you Ted so you can really understand it. It's like they pull you into their cell and not just do things to you, but literally consume you. Take your breath. Eat your heart. And shit you out like you were nothing. [pause] I'm sorry. I'm sure that was more than you were... But it is difficult to gauge things in this world. Like you, I suppose, hard to know where the lines are.
I'm just so aware that most of what I draw on from inside my head are things I've read about. My real life experiences are actually rather narrow. I don't think about the seasons, not for the longest time, anyway.
I'm sorry.
I don't mean to sound pitiful.
Oh no, you don't, not really.
I don't feel that way, sorry for myself. I do feel I am being received sometimes that way, by others. And I know I have a part in that somehow, I just don't have it figured out yet.
That will probably take some time, figuring things out.
Maybe it was when they first saw something akin to optimism on your face, or a bit of peace, or just that moment when you begin to believe that you could survive it in some paradoxical way. I don't know why they did it. Justification is a slippery slope, Ted.
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