Michelle quotes from Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares

(narration) Let’s see what this ex-trucker can do. [At the entrance, reading the menu] An eating experience you must try. Steaks, local produce, chicken dishes, duck, lamb shanks. Oh, lovely. All food is freshly cooked. Fuck me. [Enters the restaurant] Hello.

Hello. Michelle. Pleasure to meet you.

Michelle, nice to see you. Your blouse matches the wallpaper. I feel like I'm tripping out. Never touched the stuff, but I feel like I've just swallowed an E. Holy crap. (Narration) Compared to the hideous wallpaper, the menu is very attractive. Simple, freshly cooked food. On paper, it looks delicious.

(In the kitchen) Orange squash, spoonful of gravy. Rich and meaty, it's called, yeah. A lot of them say it’s the best they've had. So it can’t be that bad, can it?

(Narration) First up: Mick’s house special, duck with orange sauce. (In the dining room) Yikes. Ooh-la-la.

There's your potatoes. I’ll just get the vegetables for you.

Jesus Christ. Fuck me, do I need sunglasses? What is that sauce?

That thing? Maybe it’s the orange squash he uses.

(Narration) Did she really say, "orange squash"? (Back in the dining room) It looks like someone has dropped a fucking lemon tart on my plate. [Samples the duck.]

It gives it colour.

[Spits the duck out] Fuck me. Worse than fucking Benylin.

Is it local lamb?

They're- the're actually vacuum packed ones. Uh, actually, they can last for about a year.

Just say that again?!

The- they're bought in, they're vacuum packed; the lamb shanks, and they've actually got a life shelf of about a year, and they don't have to be kept refrigerated.

Holy fuck.

Yeah...

So it's all about the duck?

Yeah, go on.

What the fuck did you put in that sauce? It's like some fucking sci-fi sperm!

[scowls] Sci-fi sperm!

Yeah, where's the orange juice? [Picks up a bottle of orange squash] So, it's an orange squash?

Yes.

A concentrate?

All the reports from the people were, "We love the sauce." And the lamb shanks.

You've got to be honest. I've never heard one complaint.

As a restauranteur, or whatever you want to call yourself, your responsibility is to provide them with at least something fresh. And especially for 11 fucking quid.

(appealing) Help.

Well, he's a stubborn fucker, this one.

I know he's a stubborn fucker.

You got that right.

I'd be the first to admit that. But we desperately, desperately need help from yourself. And I'm sorry, I'm going to be emotional.

I don't want you to get upset.

[Breaks into tears] I am! My husband's been slaving to death, and we work so hard for this business, and it's just killing us all!