Lassiter: [about his date] We met at the Santa Barbara Bowl at the Ravi Shankar concert last week, and she asked me out on a date.
Gus: Who goes to someone else's reunion when they barely even know them?
Shawn: Who goes to a Ravi Shankar concert?

Lassiter: A dead body changes things.
Shawn: That's his email signature.

Lassiter: I want our killer--
Shawn: Arsassin! Or karsonist?
Gus: Arsassin.
. . .
Lassiter: This could be our killer.
Shawn: Furderer.
Lassiter: What?
Shawn: Fire murderer... furderer.
. . .
Shawn: We have found our arsonurderer.
Gus: What?
Shawn: Firearsman.
Gus: Uh-uh.
Shawn: Se�or pantalones del fuego?

Lassiter: I'm gonna kill you Spencer.
Shawn: I never told you that the victim wasn't a sea lion.

Mary: [upon being asked why he's a guy named Mary] My father's name was Mary and his father before him was named Mary and his father before him was named Craig.
Season 4

Ryan: I don't know if it's enough, but I did overhear a time a place and a name.
Gus: Come again.
Ryan: I know who, what and where.
Shawn: Ryan, that��that's everything we need to know. That's all of it. Why didn't you just say that in the first place?
Ryan: Because no one would let me.
Shawn: That's true, Gus, that's very true.
Gus: Yeah, I got that, Shawn. Just go ahead Ryan.
Ryan: The time was 10:00.
Shawn: 10:00.
Ryan: To 4:30.
Shawn: 10:00 to 4:30.
Ryan: Yeah.
Gus: A six hour window? What do your killers work at the cable company?
Shawn: It's okay. What's the place?
Ryan: 420��420 something. I didn't get a street name or an apartment number, but the address definitely has a 420 in it.
Shawn: Hmm.
Ryan: But the name I have.
Shawn: Perfect, what is it?
Ryan: Tom.
Shawn: Tom?
Gus: You wouldn't happen to have a last name, would you?
Ryan: Come on, guys! I can't do everything for you.

Ryan: The night before I went to this restaurant to get a basket of these things called "fries quatro quesos dos fritos"; you know, the ones where they inject potatoes with a four-cheese mixture, fry them three quarters of the way, pull them out, batter them, fry them again, and then serve them with bacon and a nacho chili sour cream? Anyway, as I was sitting there, a car speeds right through the storefront across the street. It makes such a loud noise I had to turn my head and look and that is when I overheard the guys with the curlicues on his face tell the other guy in the corner table about the assassination plot.
Shawn: Can that be true?
Gus: No way.
Shawn: I mean, is that even possible?
Gus: I couldn't imagine it!
Shawn: There's no way they could prepare a fry like that; that'd be way too much for the... for the human palate to manage!
Gus: It would be a flavor seizure.
Chief Vick: Gentlemen, please, don't be ridiculous.
Shawn: The Chief's right; let's just, just take a minute here to think this through. [pauses] They must be parboiling the potato first.

Shawn: ...[Dutch] jumped Springfield Gorge.
Gus: That was Homer Simpson.

Shawn: [after Haversham's dog jumps on the window] That dog is kind of an A-hole.
Gus: I think he sees something.
Shawn: Yeah, urine stains on my pants!

Shawn: [spelling] T-H-E-S-E-A-L-I-O-N.
Lassiter: Thesealion? Is that French?
Gus: Pinniped.

Shawn: Ahoy there! Um, yes. Right. Um, my name is Shawn Spencer. This is my first mate, Hummingbird Saltalamacchia.

Shawn: Allow me to introduce yourself. You drive a green Camaro, the backseat probably loaded with pinkberry cups.
Waitress: Wrong! I drive a Jeep. A black Jeep. But you're spot on with the pinkberry cups.

Shawn: And... cut! Great, dripping with swagger! Let's go again though, and maybe ease up on the cocksure smile just a bit.

Shawn: Does this ring a bell? "No, Shawn, I have not had any naughty dreams about you." And, "Yes, Shawn, I do wish Gus was never born so that I could be your partner."
Gus: What?
Shawn: True story.
Gus: That's messed up.
Juliet: I never said that, Gus.

Shawn: Don't you see what's happening here, Gus? We are simply pawns in a bitter sibling feud.
Gus: I am nobody's pawn, Shawn. I'm a Queen.