Jesse Custer quotes from Preacher

Jesse Custer

(to Chris) So, bring me a beer and maybe I'll do some of those things to your daddy. How hurt you want him? How far do I go? One punch? Two? Problem is, your daddy's a big fella, I imagine a couple of punches just gonna make him mad. He's gonna fight back. Then his buddies are gonna want to help out. I'll need to defend myself. things will escalate. That's what these things do. They escalate. And violence... makes violence. It makes nothing much at all.

Jesse Custer

Promises matter. It's the currency of faith.

Jesse Custer

No sermon today. You're welcome for that. I'll try not to punch anyone, either. I do have an announcement. The other night, someone asked me why I'd come back to Annville. I didn't have an answer for her at least, not a convincing one. I've let you down. Week after week, I've been just another man that hurts by not helping. I've not had a single morning where I-I didn't wake up and have to force my feet to the floor to face you. The bottom line is, I've been a bad preacher. And for that, I am sorry. But "I'm sorry" doesn't change anything. My shortcomings, they're not news to anyone. What is news and, uh, what I've decided is... I can't, I can't, I can't quit. I've been quitting on you for too long. I've been quitting on this church. You deserve better. You... You deserve You deserve a good preacher. You deserve a good preacher, and, and that's what you're gonna get. As of today as of right now, I'm going to fight. I'm going to do what all good preachers have done since the Serpent and Man's Fall: pray for the sinner. Offer peace to the restless. Avenge the innocent.

Jesse Custer

I made a promise. That's what this is for. I'm gonna open those doors. I'm gonna make them see the light and fulfill my promise. Then I will be free. That's what I'm gonna do.

Jesse Custer

If his reason, if his judgment is to send one more sinner, one more lost soul into the fire, what can I do? Except stand aside and watch him burn.

Jesse Custer

Our hometown blows up in a mushroom cloud of cow shit, things He has to answer for are piling up by the minute.

Pray for me, preacher.

Jesse Custer

Anyone were listen', I would. Believe me. I'd pray.

Jesse Custer

I don't hate you, Tulip. I wouldn't know how.

Tulip O'Hare

Don't make me teach you, then.

Cassidy

Jesus, what kind of preacher are you?

Jesse Custer

The lousy kind.

Cassidy

No, I'm sorry, mate. I've seen the lousy kind. As long as you're not walking around with a little kiddie's arsehole around your finger like a bloody wedding ring, I'd say you were ahead of the game, then.

Jesse Custer

Drinkin' fightin', swearin'. I can't even afford to fix the damn air-conditionin'.

Cassidy

Sounds like the first verse of the worst country song ever written, man.

Hugo Root

Can't do it. I told them. You cannot just expunge a beloved cultural figure like that and not expect it to go over like shit on cold biscuit.

Jesse Custer

I imagine there's worse things that could happen.

Hugo Root

I just read the Japanese let a fellow marry his own pillow, I tend to agree with you. Much worse is on its way.

Jesse Custer

Pillows. That's a slippery slope.

Emily Woodrow

Look, I--I understand that Cassidy's sort of--of disgusting, rude, childish thing can be fun. I get--I get it. But, um yesterday, there was a case and half of communion wine in the supply closet, and today...

Jesse Custer

I'll talk to him.

Cassidy

(seeing Eugene's face) What the bloody hell happened there?

Jesse Custer

Shotgun. He tried to kill himself.

Cassidy

He's walking the earth with a face like an arsehole. Should've tried harder. Was that an un-Christian thing to say, was it?

Jesse Custer

Pretty much.

Cassidy

All right. Fair enough.

Jesse Custer

Do you know what? He has a plan for me, too.

Cassidy

His plan for me is to let you know that his plan for you is the dumbest, most boring plan He's ever come up with.

Jesse Custer

So selfishness--that's your answer. Just run around, do whatever whenever you want. What kind of a life is that?

Cassidy

An honest one.

Jesse Custer

What's your story, Cassidy?

Cassidy

No, it's pretty typical, really. I'm a 119-year-old vampire from Dublin City. And I'm currently on the run from a group of vampire-hunting religious vigilantes who keep tracking me down somehow.

Jesse Custer

What else?

Cassidy

I'm a right-handed Sagittarius. I love Chinese food. I've never seen the Pacific Ocean. And I think that The Big Lebowski's overrated.

Tulip O'Hare

Door's open. Nothing keeping ya.

Jesse Custer

My ankle is chained.

Tulip O'Hare

Hm. That is predicamental.