[Fletcher is in hospital with a broken leg after falling through a false escape tunnel he was showing to Mackay, who is visiting him, visibly full of "Christmas cheer"]
There is one question I'd like to ask... [crosses to door and checks nobody is outside] What became of the soil that was excavated from the tunnel?
Ah now, wait a minute, I don't know what you're imagining about our relationship, but do not presume you've got a new informer in your back pocket. Everything's just the same, it's still them and us, I'm still on the side of us.
Perfectly harmless question, Fletcher, for future reference. I just want to know they disposed of the soil.
[insistently] I can't help ya!
[Mackay smiles, takes a green bottle of whisky from his packet, shows it to Fletcher and places it on his dinner tray]
Scotland's finest.
[checking the bottle] With a couple of nips out of it, I see.
Well, still a rare treat.
Bribes, is it?
Christmas present.
[Fletch reaches for the bottle again, but Mackay rests a finger on it to stop him]
Come along Fletcher. Just between you and me.
Is that door closed?
[grinning triumphantly] Oh yes. And there's no-one outside.
Christmas present?
Christmas present.
[Fletch takes the bottle, unscrews the cap and takes a glass]
You wanna know how they disposed of the soil?
Simple as that.
I'll tell ya.
I thought you might.
[pouring himself some whisky and leaning in close] They dug another tunnel and put the earth down there.
[Mackay smiles and leaves, but freezes when he realises that Fletch has made a fool of him -- since if true, what did they do with the earth from the 'other tunnel'?]
More from this episode
All quotes from this episode →More Porridge quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's Porridge pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
