Jeremy, what is Super Hans doing?
[observes Super Hans] He's honking on his crackpipe.
Crack! Jeremy! I have company!
Relax Mark, everyone does drugs nowadays. "Look at Me, I'm Mark. I'm dying on a street in an Advert in the 80s."
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
What we really need to do is create a powerful sense of dread.
[Plays a long, low note on the keyboard]
See, the longer the note... the more dread!
[Jeremy and Super Hans are trying to intimidate Gog] There, we have our answer. Can we please leave!?
We have to hurt him now, out of principle. Hit him with the fucking bat Jez.
Why do I have to hit him? Punch him with the glove.
Punch him? [holds up baseball glove] I can't even make a fist.
JJez
The only reason I don't go to church is that, for me, everything's a church. This room is my church, the hall is my church... Cost Cutters is a bloody cathedral.
Why don't they ever talk about all the buses that made it safely?
Yes, I suppose the news should just be a dispassionate list of all the events that have occurred the world over during the day, that'd be good - except it would take forever.
I can take a joke as well as anyone, but if it happens again I'm taking it to a fucking industrial tribunal
(Do a Columbo, do a Columbo.) [To shoe shop assistant] Just remind me, which university was it April's gone to again?
AAssistant
Dartmouth.
Dartmouth, of course. Dartmouth. Thanks. (Good old Columbo. Just the one technique, of course. Still, shits on Quincy.)
JJez
I thought you did do Ancient History.
I did business studies Jeremy. For three years. And I talked to you about it daily.
JJez
(I could tell him that's all ancient history now. He probably wouldn't like that joke.)
JJez
Oh well, that's all ancient history now!
[Mark looks unimpressed]
The secret ingredient [waves hand] is crime.
JJez
Stealing things just makes everything very cheap. Plus, you know how I feel about capitalism.
Yes, confused.
JJez
There's no quim likes to party...
...like the quim down in Darty!
AApril
Who's your tutor?
[scanning noticeboard behind her] (Professor... Netball?, Keyser Söze?, MacLeish!)
The jaws of death are best avoided --that's common knowledge!
I'm gonna leave a tenner and a note.
I'm dangerously close to getting what I want. Feels a bit weird.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Peep Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.