Rap battle? Are we supposed to punch each other with rhymes?
More or less. Gimme a beat, Enid!
No, thanks.
Aw, man, come on.
(sighs) Fine. [Puts on her DJ outfit and flips the counter to her DJ set. Plays music.]
Yeah, I can work with that. All right, imposter, get ready, ‘cause this ends here.
♪Ohh, I’m the extraterrestrial, emphasis on extra♪
♪My skin is blue because I come from Planet X, bruh♪
♪If you step on this, you gonna get creamed♪
♪If you outta line, you gonna get laser beamed♪
♪Arms ripped, afro poofy♪
♪Ears tipped, you goofy♪
♪Liftin’ and pumpin’ and crushin’ the weights♪
♪Don’t be surprised when I thrash you♪
♪Movin’ and settin’ and stackin’ the crates♪
♪And you ain’t nothin’ but trash, do♪
♪You lookin’ foolish♪
♪You ain’t the real me♪
♪I am the true Rad♪
♪I know you feel me♪
♪He is Radicles♪
♪Ain’t nobody ever wanna mess with me♪
♪I said he is Radicles♪
♪I ain’t got time for no identity thief♪
Hey! Careful with my gear!
[Picks up mic] Sorry, Enid.
That’s right you are.
Uh, Enid, do you know “Wash Your Hands”?
I’ll see what I can do, K.O.. Knock em dead! [Replaces a disk with a new one. Plays a new song.]
Oh, cool. All right, here goes nothin’.
♪Well, I’m Radicles and I’m here to say♪
♪I learned a lot about myself today♪
♪I’m a yoga guy with a yoga mat♪
♪Don’t believe it, ask the kids I babysat♪
♪Sharks and bees ain’t where it’s at♪
♪I rather snuggle up with a kitty cat♪
♪I like to burp and I like to toot♪
♪But deep inside, I’m really cute♪
♪Wash your hands, wash your hands♪
♪It’s a good idea to wash your hands♪
(snickers)
♪Lather ‘em up with a little bit of soap♪
♪Wash your hands, don’t be a dope♪
[Grabs mic from K.O.] Listen, imposter. I don’t babysit or do yoga, and I definitely don’t like snuggling kittens.
I don’t understand. That all seems like cool stuff to me.
But Rad would never find that stuff cool. And even if he did, Rad wouldn’t be ready to share those things about himself. If you really were Rad, you’d know that.
Oh. Gah! You got me! All that stuff I rapped about was lies. I was, uh, trying to embarrass you. Yeah. Isn’t that what rapping battles are all about?
I guess. Uh, yeah! Yeah, you’re right!
Well, I guess my little plan didn’t work. You’re the real Rad-- [Hands name tag to Rad and puts it on] tough, cool, and totally one-dimensional.
[Record scratches] All right, I’m bored. Everybody out. [Her DJ set turns back to a counter; she changes her outfit and listens to her music.]
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